Life is a roller coaster. We know this but sometimes we believe it shouldn't be so. In this video, I give you some tips about what to do and what not to do when you are feeling down. It may be a little different perspective than you are accustomed to so take a listen.
You can download the transcript if you prefer to read rather than listen.
It's not easy standing up in this crazy world right now. It's not easy having your voice. There is so much noise and meanness out there but the world needs you. Your unique voice. Your unique gifts. Your unique light.
You can download the transcript if you prefer to read rather than listen.
There is a lot of noise out there right now and that noise tends to divide us. I believe that solutions will be found only as we come together. But how can we with such extreme views? I offer a tip here. I believe it begins with self-awareness and clarity. Take a listen.
You can download the transcript if you prefer to read rather than listen.
What do you believe it means to be your best self? In this video, I describe a misunderstanding about what it means to be our best selves and what we can do instead. You CAN be your best self and it may be easier than you think. Give the video a listen and let me know how it is for you in the comments below.
You can download the transcript if you prefer to read rather than listen.
I used to suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. My personality lends itself to being overly analytical, and when you add being a therapist and coach on top of that, you’ve got a power keg of analysis.
When I woke up depressed or anxious, I would become very worried about it. I would try to figure out what was wrong, what had happened, what I had done or what I hadn’t done that I should’ve done to cause this awful feeling. The harder I tried to analyze it the more confused I became, the less clarity I had, and the deeper I would sink into the depression or anxiety.
Once I sunk far enough, I would often resort to playing melancholic music, over-drinking, or over-eating, and generally shaming myself sometimes for hours on end. I would feel terribly sorry for myself and more and more insecure. I found myself spiraling into depression or anxiety day after day, month after month, year after year.
In traditional therapy, I was encouraged to talk repeatedly about my family problems, my personal problems, and all that was not right with the world. While it was helpful to sit across from a therapist who saw me, cared for me, and accepted me (hugely helpful), I can see now that I was keeping my depression and anxiety alive through delving into my stories of sadness and stress again and again and again.
In my therapy practice, I can remember working with clients and encouraging them to go into their stories of stress and sadness repeatedly, and I watched their pain and suffering continue. I didn’t know any better at the time but I know now. I’m not suggesting that we don’t revisit those stories. I’m not suggesting that we don’t take a look at them from time to time. But I am suggesting that over analysis and over reviewing can keep us quite stuck.
I burned my hand pretty badly a couple of weeks ago. It created a huge blister. Once the initial pain subsided, it really wasn’t painful at all. I cleaned it and left it alone. I covered it at night so I wouldn’t burst the blister but other than that I completely left it alone. In a week it was almost healed with just a small scab. I had had very little pain. But then I decided I was tired of the scab and I picked at it. Just a tiny pick! And then the pain started and lasted for 3 or 4 days! My body was doing exactly what it’s designed to but I interfered and actually slowed down the healing.
Our psychological system is designed in the same way that our physical system is designed. It’s designed to return to equilibrium and heal. When we acknowledge the psychological pain or injury, give it a little tender loving care, create a bit of protection, then it can heal. We don’t need to over analyze it. We don’t need to revisit it again and again and again. We don’t need to judge it. We do not need to fear it. We accept it and allow for the healing.
I am watching my precious boy dog, Pedro, do just that after a terribly serious incident. Out of the blue last week, he blew a disc and he was in terrible, terrible pain. We acted quickly and got him the help that he needed and now he is home healing. He has 30 staples in his back, he can barely walk, and he has to be picked up from place to place. He is in 100% acceptance of this. He is expressing peace, gratitude, and even joy.
He is not asking himself why this is happening to him, what he did wrong, what he could’ve done better, how he can make it get better faster. No, he accepts the situation and is waiting. Waiting for his body to do what it does best which is to return to equilibrium, to heal. He is not projecting into the future and wondering if he will have 100% recovery or not. We don’t know that he’ll recover fully. But we do know that he is at peace. It’s apparent to anyone who sees him. Why is he at peace? Because he doesn’t have an overly analytical, judgmental, fearful, insecure mind. He is not projecting into the future. He is not reaching into the past. He is living his life moment to moment.
Listen, you don’t have to nail yourself to a cross of suffering. At any time, you can wake up to how you are out of alignment with the present moment. You can stop picking at your problem and slow down. As you do that, you begin to regain your perspective, you begin to accept yourself, and you begin to catch yourself earlier and spend less time down the rabbit hole of fear and insecurity. Relief is possible.
I have created a document for you that goes into a bit more detail about how to practice the principles I’m sharing here. Feel free to download it here. And if you want to go deeper into these ideas, if you want relief from your anxiety or low feelings, consider taking advantage of a conversation with me. Right now, during this pandemic, I am offering single sessions at no charge to you.
I recently started a series of short video inspirations. I had been wanting to do something like this for months, if not years, but something stopped me: Worry about what others might think.
Yes, there was vanity: My face is too round, I’m not polished enough, and what makes me think I have anything to say that others really want to hear? I had the idea that the videos had to be perfectly prepared and presented. It didn’t occur to me that I could do informal, imperfect videos until one of my ingenious coaches suggested it.
Here’s a brilliant question for you to consider: Who would you be without access to a single thought about what others think or expect of you? This question is worthy of being considered carefully. Journal about this. Talk about this with your closest friends and family. Imagine what it would be like to have zero access to a single thought about what others think of you.
What would you do? What risks might you take? What would you create? What would you say to whom? Who or what would you stand up for? How would you stand up for yourself? What would you say yes to? What would you say no to? How would you feel? Really give this some thought.
When my coach gave me permission to “come out of hiding” and put out informal videos, I suddenly felt free to do just that. Sure, I could’ve arrived at that realization on my own but sometimes it takes an outside view to wake up to ourselves. I’ve done a video every day since. Yes, my face is round, I’m not particularly polished, and I say “um” a few too many times, but so what? I’m enjoying doing them and a few others are enjoying receiving them.
This has me thinking about the stress we carry when we are overly concerned about what others think. When we are too concerned, we may withdraw and be overly guarded. We may not speak up and offer our wisdom. We may resist taking initiative. We may be afraid to connect deeply, leaving us feeling alone. We rehearse our conversations with others ad nauseam. We often struggle with procrastination. We fear failure or embarrassment which holds us back from mastery and from offering our gifts to a world in great need.
Last summer, I got more depressed than I had been in 20 years. It shocked me! I had decided I would never struggle with depression again after my breakdown breakthrough 20 years ago. Some old, old stuff got triggered and I simply couldn’t find my way through it alone. I knew I needed some support but I started to worry about what others would think. I was afraid to reach out believing on some level that as a coach and former therapist I shouldn’t struggle so much. I was embarrassed! I was feeling like a fraud. In my depressed state, I decided that reaching out for help might be detrimental to my business. Yes, we can go to some weird places in our minds, right down the rabbit hole, and it isn’t uncommon.
I did reach out and I got support and let me tell you what a relief it has been. Almost immediately, the fear of what others might think simply disappeared. I remembered that everyone gets afraid. Everyone struggles. No one is perfect. None of us is immune. Even high achieving, high performance people struggle with feeling down and anxious from time to time. There is no shame in that.
I want to invite you to come out of hiding. It’s OK if you are struggling. It may be that you are feeling some quiet desperation in the middle of this pandemic. You may worry that people will think less of you if you reveal how much you are struggling. It may be that you are feeling more unsettled than usual or that you can’t quite catch a full breath. Maybe your mind is racing a tad more than usual, interfering in your day. I get it. Our lives have been turned upside down. It’s normal to feel disoriented.
So, ask yourself, Who would I be without access to a single thought about what others think or expect of me? Practice a bit more gentleness and patience with yourself. Rest a bit more. Take an extra stroll and breathe in the healing sights, sounds, and aromas that nature offers. Watch my short video inspirations that may give you a bit of a boost. Reach out for support from a trusted ally or professional.
It’s OK. We all, ALL, struggle from time to time. Each one of us. You are not alone.
If you’re feeling distracted and unable to focus, like you’re holding your breath waiting for the next shoe to drop, or are a tad too tense leaving you with a headache by the end of the day, then take me up on my offer of a coaching session at no charge to you. We will spend 60-90 minutes together on Zoom or phone.
By the end of the session, you will likely have more clarity, feel more grounded, able to breathe a bit easier, and have a bit more traction and ease to get on with your day.
