I used to suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. My personality lends itself to being overly analytical, and when you add being a therapist and coach on top of that, you’ve got a power keg of analysis.
When I woke up depressed or anxious, I would become very worried about it. I would try to figure out what was wrong, what had happened, what I had done or what I hadn’t done that I should’ve done to cause this awful feeling. The harder I tried to analyze it the more confused I became, the less clarity I had, and the deeper I would sink into the depression or anxiety.
Once I sunk far enough, I would often resort to playing melancholic music, over-drinking, or over-eating, and generally shaming myself sometimes for hours on end. I would feel terribly sorry for myself and more and more insecure. I found myself spiraling into depression or anxiety day after day, month after month, year after year.
In traditional therapy, I was encouraged to talk repeatedly about my family problems, my personal problems, and all that was not right with the world. While it was helpful to sit across from a therapist who saw me, cared for me, and accepted me (hugely helpful), I can see now that I was keeping my depression and anxiety alive through delving into my stories of sadness and stress again and again and again.
In my therapy practice, I can remember working with clients and encouraging them to go into their stories of stress and sadness repeatedly, and I watched their pain and suffering continue. I didn’t know any better at the time but I know now. I’m not suggesting that we don’t revisit those stories. I’m not suggesting that we don’t take a look at them from time to time. But I am suggesting that over analysis and over reviewing can keep us quite stuck.
I burned my hand pretty badly a couple of weeks ago. It created a huge blister. Once the initial pain subsided, it really wasn’t painful at all. I cleaned it and left it alone. I covered it at night so I wouldn’t burst the blister but other than that I completely left it alone. In a week it was almost healed with just a small scab. I had had very little pain. But then I decided I was tired of the scab and I picked at it. Just a tiny pick! And then the pain started and lasted for 3 or 4 days! My body was doing exactly what it’s designed to but I interfered and actually slowed down the healing.
Our psychological system is designed in the same way that our physical system is designed. It’s designed to return to equilibrium and heal. When we acknowledge the psychological pain or injury, give it a little tender loving care, create a bit of protection, then it can heal. We don’t need to over analyze it. We don’t need to revisit it again and again and again. We don’t need to judge it. We do not need to fear it. We accept it and allow for the healing.
I am watching my precious boy dog, Pedro, do just that after a terribly serious incident. Out of the blue last week, he blew a disc and he was in terrible, terrible pain. We acted quickly and got him the help that he needed and now he is home healing. He has 30 staples in his back, he can barely walk, and he has to be picked up from place to place. He is in 100% acceptance of this. He is expressing peace, gratitude, and even joy.
He is not asking himself why this is happening to him, what he did wrong, what he could’ve done better, how he can make it get better faster. No, he accepts the situation and is waiting. Waiting for his body to do what it does best which is to return to equilibrium, to heal. He is not projecting into the future and wondering if he will have 100% recovery or not. We don’t know that he’ll recover fully. But we do know that he is at peace. It’s apparent to anyone who sees him. Why is he at peace? Because he doesn’t have an overly analytical, judgmental, fearful, insecure mind. He is not projecting into the future. He is not reaching into the past. He is living his life moment to moment.
Listen, you don’t have to nail yourself to a cross of suffering. At any time, you can wake up to how you are out of alignment with the present moment. You can stop picking at your problem and slow down. As you do that, you begin to regain your perspective, you begin to accept yourself, and you begin to catch yourself earlier and spend less time down the rabbit hole of fear and insecurity. Relief is possible.
I have created a document for you that goes into a bit more detail about how to practice the principles I’m sharing here. Feel free to download it here. And if you want to go deeper into these ideas, if you want relief from your anxiety or low feelings, consider taking advantage of a conversation with me. Right now, during this pandemic, I am offering single sessions at no charge to you.
