I’ve recently discovered a new (to me) artist and I love his music. Fred Neil. He has a rich baritone voice, great lyrics, and mad guitar skills. He was a singer-song writer in the 60s and 70s. He influenced musicians like Joni Mitchell, Crosby, Stills, Karen Dalton, and more. He grew up in St. Petersburg, FL which is only 40 minutes from where I live now.

In addition to his music, he was most passionate about dolphins. He founded the Dolphin Research Project in 1970 which is an organization dedicated to stopping the capture, trafficking, and exploitation of dolphins worldwide. He gradually faded from the music scene as he became more and more involved with the dolphins (which makes me love him even more!).

He wrote a beautiful song entitled The Dolphins. This is my favorite verse:

Lord, I'm not the one to tell this old world how to get along
I only know that peace will come when all our hate is gone
I've been a-searchin' for the dolphins in the sea

I’ve thought a lot about these lyrics. Most of us have this idea that we know what’s best for this old world. But do we? Can we be certain? Are we certain enough to disenfranchise whole groups of people because they don’t agree with us? I see the divide in this country, and beyond, deepening every day (or so it seems to me). Am I enabling or even facilitating that divide?

When I look closely, I can see that the divide resides within me. I am divided.

I am divided.

I can feel the me that I find acceptable and I can find the me that is not acceptable. Of course, neither is actually Me, the true me. The me I’m talking about here is the ego me, the constructed me. I want to flaunt the acceptable me and I want to obliterate the unacceptable me.

I awoke this morning with negative thoughts about myself.

“What’s wrong with you that you….??” “Why can’t you…??” “You’ll never….!”

I woke up bullying myself!

I caught myself pretty quickly and brought it to a halt but I don’t always stop immediately. I would NEVER let someone speak to me the way I sometimes speak to myself. Ever! Yet, I can do it to myself for days on end when I don’t wake up to myself.

What does this have to do with this old world? I believe it has everything to do with it. If I’m divided within myself, how can I expect to not divide out there? Assuming there even is an out there. Fred says, “I’m not the one to tell this old world how to get along. I only know that peace will come when all our hate is gone.

Peace will come when all hate is gone. Peace will come when I’m no longer divided within. Peace will come when I fully accept Carla in all of her messy humanness. Only then can I fully accept you and those even more different from me than you are. Only then can I accept you even when you don’t accept me.

If we want peace on earth, we must first find peace within ourselves. I believe this. I really do believe this. It’s why I love the work that I do. I see my ultimate role as helping folks come home to themselves, come to acceptance of themselves. It’s what I’ve worked on personally for decades (I still do).

I spent decades depressed for two reasons that I can see at this point. One, I carried way too much shame and lack of acceptance for myself, largely due to family, religious, and cultural expectations. Two, I believed that peace was only available in the “afterlife”. I had no acceptance of THIS life. I didn’t have both feet planted firmly here, now. I was always waiting for something better and I was always waiting to be better. That is, I did not accept me now in this life here. No wonder I was depressed.

Only after having a close encounter with death (what I call my break-down break-through) over 20 years ago, did I wake up to my problem:

I did not accept myself and
I did not accept this life.

I suppose that’s as good a definition of hate as there is. Once I saw this, everything changed. Everything. On the other side of my close encounter with death, I awoke to the perfection of the here and now.

Initially, it was so bright and clear. It was so easy to be awake with all the clarity in the world. But over the weeks, months, and years, the cultural pull to dwell in the past and worry about the future (or longing for an imagined future) began to impinge upon me. I could feel the pull away from NOW. This culture is an expert NOW-avoider.

The work I do both personally and professionally is largely about waking up to ourselves. Catching ourselves with one foot in the past and one in the future, which keeps us dangerously off balance in the moment. It’s no wonder folks are terribly stressed and depressed. We’ve forgotten that we are built for the reality of this present moment — like the gazelles.

The gazelles on the African Savannah know this. They graze, completely relaxed and alert. Not hyper-alert but relaxed and alert, you might even say Mindful. The lion gives chase. Cortisol, adrenalin, and stress flood the Gazelle’s system. They run and leap across the Savannah. The lion breaks away, or even takes a gazelle, and the chase is over. Within 5 minutes — 5 minutes — the gazelles are grazing again, relaxed and alert.

They do not live in fear. They live in the moment. They know the lion can come at any time. They don’t worry about it. They don’t dwell on it. They don’t imagine it happening again. No, in the moment, they allow their system to work as it’s designed to work. Relaxed, alert, adrenaline rush when needed.

They accept life on its own terms. They accept themselves as they are. They are at peace, even though the lion dwells among them. Such beautiful acceptance.

Beautiful acceptance. That’s what I aim for. That’s what I guide my clients to. Because “I only know that peace will come when all our hate is gone.”

I can’t think of anything more radical than coming to peace with ourselves, true peace and acceptance. Only then can we hope to heal the divide.

Peace on earth is an inside job.

Only when we discover peace within (where it has always and only been) can we go out into the world and hope to help. Or so it seems to me.