I recently started a series of short video inspirations. I had been wanting to do something like this for months, if not years, but something stopped me: Worry about what others might think.
Yes, there was vanity: My face is too round, I’m not polished enough, and what makes me think I have anything to say that others really want to hear? I had the idea that the videos had to be perfectly prepared and presented. It didn’t occur to me that I could do informal, imperfect videos until one of my ingenious coaches suggested it.
Here’s a brilliant question for you to consider: Who would you be without access to a single thought about what others think or expect of you? This question is worthy of being considered carefully. Journal about this. Talk about this with your closest friends and family. Imagine what it would be like to have zero access to a single thought about what others think of you.
What would you do? What risks might you take? What would you create? What would you say to whom? Who or what would you stand up for? How would you stand up for yourself? What would you say yes to? What would you say no to? How would you feel? Really give this some thought.
When my coach gave me permission to “come out of hiding” and put out informal videos, I suddenly felt free to do just that. Sure, I could’ve arrived at that realization on my own but sometimes it takes an outside view to wake up to ourselves. I’ve done a video every day since. Yes, my face is round, I’m not particularly polished, and I say “um” a few too many times, but so what? I’m enjoying doing them and a few others are enjoying receiving them.
This has me thinking about the stress we carry when we are overly concerned about what others think. When we are too concerned, we may withdraw and be overly guarded. We may not speak up and offer our wisdom. We may resist taking initiative. We may be afraid to connect deeply, leaving us feeling alone. We rehearse our conversations with others ad nauseam. We often struggle with procrastination. We fear failure or embarrassment which holds us back from mastery and from offering our gifts to a world in great need.
Last summer, I got more depressed than I had been in 20 years. It shocked me! I had decided I would never struggle with depression again after my breakdown breakthrough 20 years ago. Some old, old stuff got triggered and I simply couldn’t find my way through it alone. I knew I needed some support but I started to worry about what others would think. I was afraid to reach out believing on some level that as a coach and former therapist I shouldn’t struggle so much. I was embarrassed! I was feeling like a fraud. In my depressed state, I decided that reaching out for help might be detrimental to my business. Yes, we can go to some weird places in our minds, right down the rabbit hole, and it isn’t uncommon.
I did reach out and I got support and let me tell you what a relief it has been. Almost immediately, the fear of what others might think simply disappeared. I remembered that everyone gets afraid. Everyone struggles. No one is perfect. None of us is immune. Even high achieving, high performance people struggle with feeling down and anxious from time to time. There is no shame in that.
I want to invite you to come out of hiding. It’s OK if you are struggling. It may be that you are feeling some quiet desperation in the middle of this pandemic. You may worry that people will think less of you if you reveal how much you are struggling. It may be that you are feeling more unsettled than usual or that you can’t quite catch a full breath. Maybe your mind is racing a tad more than usual, interfering in your day. I get it. Our lives have been turned upside down. It’s normal to feel disoriented.
So, ask yourself, Who would I be without access to a single thought about what others think or expect of me? Practice a bit more gentleness and patience with yourself. Rest a bit more. Take an extra stroll and breathe in the healing sights, sounds, and aromas that nature offers. Watch my short video inspirations that may give you a bit of a boost. Reach out for support from a trusted ally or professional.
It’s OK. We all, ALL, struggle from time to time. Each one of us. You are not alone.
If you’re feeling distracted and unable to focus, like you’re holding your breath waiting for the next shoe to drop, or are a tad too tense leaving you with a headache by the end of the day, then take me up on my offer of a coaching session at no charge to you. We will spend 60-90 minutes together on Zoom or phone.
By the end of the session, you will likely have more clarity, feel more grounded, able to breathe a bit easier, and have a bit more traction and ease to get on with your day.
