How to Increase Your Confidence

What are the things you’d do, attempt, try, or create if you had unlimited confidence?

I read a book recently called The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance by Katty Kay & Clarie Shipman. I loved this book because it normalized my experience. I am not alone.

Research shows that women struggle more than men when it comes to confidence. One study by Brenda Major, a social psychologist, found that “men consistently overestimated their ability and subsequent performance (on a variety of tasks or tests), and that women routinely underestimated both. The actual performance did not differ in quality.”

Overestimating your abilities can actually work for you because you tend to put yourself out there more often. Underestimating them often works against you, keeping you in your head and insecure.

Kay & Shipman found that “success correlates more closely with confidence than it does with competence.”

I believe it. I’ve lived it. I have the education, training, skills, and experience I need, yet, self-doubt continues to nip at my heels from time to time.

Self-doubt may be the single biggest factor that has held me back in my life and I have seen it repeatedly in the lives of my clients. It’s insidious. Is there anything we can do about it?

We’ve come to believe that confidence is a feeling. That is not accurate. Confidence is much more about taking action despite how we feel.

In the final chapter of their book, Kay & Shipman give us this simple but effective prescription for confidence:

“Think Less. Take Action. Be Authentic.”

I find it interesting and, oh, so true, that the very first part of their prescription is to think less. Over-thinking, rumination, and running narratives ramp up feelings of self-doubt, insecurity, and fear.

Usain Bolt, an Olympic champion sprinter, routinely walked the sidelines before his races. Unlike the other runners who were doing rituals, stretches, and other preparations, Usain would chat with and greet spectators, with a big smile on his face. Reporters asked why he wasn’t preparing for the race as the other athletes were. He explained that he ran better with less on his mind. He did not want to focus too much on the race.

Confidence is about preparing well, clearing your mind, and taking action.

Usain prepared, cleared his mind by talking to spectators, and then he ran the race. He didn’t need to conjure up any feelings of confidence. Neither do we.

A few years ago, I went bungee jumping (yes, that’s me!). I won’t go into the hilarity (and cussing) that ensued but I was terrified. No feeling of confidence came. Ultimately, I had a choice: Jump or don’t jump. After protesting much too long, I dove. The feeling of confidence never came but the thrill certainly did. If I had taken my feelings of anxiety and self-doubt too seriously, if I had believed them, (and I almost did), I never would have jumped. I’m so glad I did!

Feelings of doubt and uncertainty tell you absolutely nothing about your situation or about you or your capabilities. They tell you only that you are thinking thoughts of doubt and uncertainty.

I was perfectly capable of diving off that 160-foot bridge over a glacier-fed river but my brain, who’s main job is to keep me safe, attempted to convince me that I would die. The only way to override the message of death was to dive.

Preparation + Clarity + Action = Confidence (or in some cases, the clarity and courage not to act). I had a moment of clarity and I dove.

Clarity is our natural state. The feeling of confidence comes and goes. When we are preoccupied with confidence, we stir up insecurity. When we aren’t so preoccupied with finding that feeling of confidence, we have more clarity and we can act, whether or not we feel confident. This is empowering!

We don’t have to wait for a feeling of confidence in order to act. We could dive and the sooner we do, the easier it will be (as my hip, young, bungee-jumping-coach suggested).

What’s the good news? A feeling of confidence is optional! That lifts the weight, opening you to unlimited confidence, true confidence. You don’t need the feeling you thought you needed in order to move forward. You don’t have to wait for that feeling to arrive. You can prepare and act. As you take your feelings less seriously and act despite them, it’s often the case that your feelings of confidence will increase. That’s just the cherry on top. Nothing more.

If this blog post resonates with you or if you’d like to explore a new perspective on confidence, I’m opening up two sessions on my calendar this week for the first two people who respond, at no charge to you. Contact Me

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You Are Not Alone

I’ve been thinking about depression a great deal lately. I used to suffer from it routinely. I really haven’t in years, until now. I thought it was something I had overcome forever. I was wrong.

It started a couple of months ago. I began working on a project with great enthusiasm. It turned out to be much harder than I expected. I wrongly determined that everything was at stake. When I ran into difficulty, I became discouraged and began to doubt. There is nothing unusual about such feelings arising and they certainly are not a problem. Discouragement and doubt are common human emotions in this roller-coaster life.

The discouragement became a problem only when I began taking it so seriously by believing my stories about the situation. It became a problem when I started to analyze and judge my feelings and make up meaning about the difficulty.

“I’m a failure. This should come easily, but since it doesn’t, something must be wrong with me. Others succeed in this kind of thing without so much struggle, I must not be cut out for it. The old message that I am slow must be true. I’m ashamed. I’m all alone. No one can understand.”  

It became a bigger problem when I decided that I shouldn’t have these feelings, especially since I’m a coach and teach about these things, and that I needed to hide them. I was no longer having my emotions, I became my emotions. I was ashamed. As I labeled the feelings a problem, my brain could only see a problem and “problem” became reinforced.

Neuroscience tells us that our brains can focus either on the problem or the solution. It cannot do both at the same time much like you can’t multiply and add a number at the same time.

Let’s imagine that I’m an attorney and I have a boss who intimidates me. I have the choice, whether or not I’m aware of it, to focus on the solution or the problem.

Imagine that I focus on the problem: Who do I become?

I find myself shrinking when my boss is around. I avoid my boss. I resort to unrealistic perfectionism in my attempts to please my boss. I feel increasing anxiety whenever my boss is around or even when I think of my boss. I present an inauthentic face to my boss that I can’t possibly sustain. I begin to feel more and more intimidated, maybe even resentful, and probably pretty down, which reinforces my feelings, blocking me from any solutions that may be available to me. My focus is narrowly upon my problem.

Now, let’s imagine that I focus on the solution: Who would I be?

I would be aware of the stories I am creating about my boss and about myself. I would see where my stories are made up rather than based in reality. I would focus on my strengths and lead with those. I would not be so afraid of my weaknesses, knowing that they tell me nothing about who I am truly. I would take initiative and show up as I understand that mistakes and failures are opportunities, and even necessary, for growth and mastery. I would practice self-compassion and courage despite how I feel. I would take my boss’s actions or non-actions towards me much less personally. Now, my focus has widened and I’m able to see more options and once again connect with resourcefulness, resilience, and wisdom.

But I didn’t focus on the solution. I focused on the problem and the problem grew. Depression set in. As I continued down the rabbit hole of analyzing, judging, and becoming my feelings, my sleep began to suffer, my body began to suffer, and, likely, my dopamine and serotonin neurotransmitters began to deplete. I took less and less action which reinforced the discouragement and inertia. I knew what I needed to do but couldn’t seem to do it.

That’s when I reached out for some support. I knew that the isolation and becoming my feelings rather than having my feelings were keeping the depression alive. I knew, despite feeling otherwise, that I wasn’t alone so I risked reaching out.

I let my partner know. I let me best friend know. I let my sister know. I let my coach know. Each, gladly, offered support in their own way. Despite how I felt, I began doing little things that could help me break the spell. Recognizing how my stories keep the depression alive and reaching out for support are helping me come back into balance once again.

When we are sick, we go to bed and sleep it off. Rarely do we judge and analyze ourselves. Rarely do we feel shame. We rest. Our bodies start to heal naturally.

Our psychological system works the same way. Feelings arise such as discouragement, fear, doubt, and insecurity. If we greet those feelings with understanding and compassion, they are free to move through us. We don’t have to take our emotions so damn seriously, as compelling as they are. We could watch them rise, peak, and dissipate. No matter how intense they are, they will move through in time. Our psychological system starts to heal naturally just as our physical system does.

We all have thoughts of discouragement and doubt. It’s normal and expected. We can’t stop them and we don’t need to. When we let those thoughts move through us, not subscribing to them, they dissipate more quickly. They don’t become a problem. And even if they do, we can unsubscribe from them at any time. We can wake up in any given moment. It may take our physical bodies a while to catch up, but they will. Our bodies and our minds want to return to balance and will with a little support and awareness.

There is no shame in feelings of discouragement, doubt, and depression. We’ve all been there to some extent or another. It is a normal human experience. It’s OK to have self-compassion. It’s OK to reach out for support. You are not alone.

If this blog post resonates with you or if you’d like to explore a new perspective on discouragement, doubt, or depression, I’m opening up two sessions on my calendar this next week for the first two people who respond, at no charge to you. Contact Me

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Self-Reflection vs. Self-Judgment

Pam and I were driving in Tampa the other day. Traffic was terrible. We came to a large intersection and were stopped by the light. We noticed another driver had pulled into the intersection and gotten stuck there when the light changed. He was smack dab in the middle of it all. The spotlight was on him. Now, he was blocking traffic. I’m sure you can imagine how that went over for all involved.

I imagined how I may have felt being stuck in the middle of that intersection. I imagined that I would have felt embarrassed! As we watched the man, I blurted out, “Don’t let the shame blind you from the lesson, man!” I chuckled… as if he could hear me. Then I thought about what I had said. How often do we make a mistake or go through a challenging time and feel a shame than binds us? I can think of countless times when I’ve been so caught up in the shame that it completely obscured my ability to self-reflect, to consider my options, and to tap into my innate wisdom, resilience, and resourcefulness. The shame blinded me from the lesson.

Every mistake we make, every challenge we deal with is an opportunity for reflection and learning. It seems that many of us believe that self-judgment and self-punishment will keep us on the straight and narrow. But do they? How is it for you when you are heaping on the judgment?

When I heap on judgment, punishment, or even constant analysis, I become mired in shame, rendering me paralyzed and overwhelmed. It feels terrible and I miss the opportunity to learn from my mistake. Instead, I may shut down and hide out, overeat, or go on a much-too-long Netflix binge and exacerbate the problem.

Self-reflection is looking at our mistakes objectively and without over-identifying with them. You are not your mistakes. You are not this difficulty. You are not the shame, guilt, or fear that your feel. You are the one who witnesses all of it. From this place of grounding, you are now able to reflect upon and consider where you may have gone wrong, and see how to best move forward from here with integrity. If you reflect on the mistake or misstep, you have the opportunity to learn something, make an adjustment, and make amends when needed.

Is reflection possible without judgment and spinning-out-of-control analysis? I believe so.

“We cannot see our reflection in running water.
It is only in still water that we can see.”
— Zen

Imagine a pond that has become turbulent and full of sediment. Let’s say that the turbulence comes from shame and guilt. You cannot find your way through all the turbulence. Now imagine that you go sit on the bank of the pond and wait for clarity. The pond’s natural state is clear and your natural state is wellbeing and wisdom. When you allow the sediment to settle, the pond returns to clarity. The same is true for you.

I’ve found it helpful to sit on the bank of reflection when I’ve made a mistake or gotten caught up in a difficult situation. As I think about how I reflect, I seem to follow something like this:

  1. Take a breath and slow way down.

  2. Notice whatever feeling is arising. If it’s shame, simply notice the feeling of shame.

  3. Recognize that the feeling of shame (or some other feeling) is simply telling you that you are having shameful thinking. The shame isn’t telling you anything about who you are or what you should do.

  4. Notice where in your body you are tightening or closing with the emotion. Bring your attention there and relax as best you can. It can be helpful to bring your breath right to the tightening or closing.

  5. As you relax and allow the thoughts of shame to move through you rather than attaching to them or adding additional thoughts to them, things will begin to settle and get clearer.

  6. As you become clearer, you are able to reflect upon the situation. Is there something you could’ve done differently that would be helpful going forward? Are there any amends to be made? Is there something in the present situation that you need to do or not do immediately? If nothing comes to mind, keep relaxing and waiting. There is no urgency here.

Your way will likely look different.

I’m suggesting that we could do much less analyzing and judging and much more relaxing and opening. Relaxing and opening bring us back to our natural clarity, wisdom, resilience, and felt sense of wellbeing. When we are grounded, we find our way with more ease and flow.

Self-reflection is important and helpful for growth and awareness. Self-judgment is not. There is a night-and-day difference that I’m sure you can feel. When you find yourself caught up in the paralysis of shame, that’s your wake-up call that you are buying into some shameful thinking. You could leave it alone and let it move through you. You could relax and open. From that place, you will find your way in each moment.

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If this blog post resonates with you or if you’d like to explore a new perspective on self-reflection and self-judgment, I’m opening up two sessions on my calendar this next week for the first person who responds, at no charge to you. Contact Me

Coping with Grief and Loss

We’ve all experienced grief and loss and most certainly will again. They can be tricky times to navigate. Is there a way to cope well or are we destined to suffer? I suffered terribly when my mother died – for years. I suffered very little with my dad’s death. What was the difference? I’m beginning to see.

Today, my most adored friend lies in a hospital bed with her life in the balance. Two weeks ago, she was walking around in her typically vibrant manner. The next day, after surgery, she had a horrible stroke. Today, she may be nearing death. Needless to say, I am grieving.

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As I grieve, I notice something important, something helpful. I notice that grief itself is clear and clean. I notice that it is not a problem. When I let it be, it moves through me. Quite surprisingly, I don’t find it particularly difficult - deeply sad, yes, but not so horribly difficult as I had always thought grief to be. It’s not difficult, that is, until a stressful thought enters my mind that I feel compelled to follow. The pull is strong! The rabbit hole is deep with frightening twists and turns.

Here is how it goes: I feel the raw sadness. It is rich and pure. I shed tears, sobs even. There is no problem here. Then a thought pops up – Why did she choose that dangerous surgery? Why didn’t someone stop her? Why did I put off traveling to see her before now? She’s so young and vibrant! Why her? It’s not fair! If I attach to any one of those thoughts, I begin to spin an agonizing story. I become overwhelmed. I suffer greatly. Now, the grief is no longer something that is clear and healing. It becomes much more than grief. It becomes a terrible storm of pain.

I’m beginning to see that when grief is left alone and simply felt, it is not a problem. It’s not even particularly burdensome, but once we buy into the stressful thoughts that arise, we begin to suffer as we stitch one stressful thought together with another. It’s terrible. It’s frightening. It’s agonizing.

I can watch all this happen. There is that small space between the raw grief and the stressful thoughts. If I catch myself in the space between, then I can quietly observe the thoughts or I can identify with them and fling myself down that scary rabbit hole.

“Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” I see it clearly right now. I do not have to suffer. As I drop the stories about what might have been, should have been, could have been, and accept what is, I’m left with the clean, raw emotions that will move through me in time. In time.

I can weep. I can mourn. I can stay present. There is nothing to fix, only something to allow. This understanding is life changing. We can learn to recognize that space between grief and stressful thoughts. We can practice paying attention and staying present. When we are present, we can see clearly what is needed in that moment, if anything.

Please understand, I know what it’s like to be lost in the tall grasses of grief. I do not take your grief and loss lightly. I do not minimize the pain those of you have felt when you’ve lost a loved one. I’m only suggesting that there is a difference between pain and suffering. I’m suggesting that grief is natural and wants to move through us. I’m suggesting that as we leave the stressful thoughts alone, the grief is free to come and go. I also understand that there will be times when we find ourselves deep in the frightening rabbit hole. At those times, all we can do is ride it out and give ourselves grace and compassion. These terrible, agonizing times shall pass, too, eventually.

A client of mine lost his wife a couple of years ago. She was young. He kept saying it wasn’t meant to be this way. This was not the future he believed would be his. He was suffering terribly. At some point, I assured him that this was always going to be his future, he just didn’t know it. It was never going to be anyway but this way. I did not say this to him in the first many months because he needed to be heard, he needed to cry, he needed to be exactly where he was with the grief. Then came the day that he was ready to hear this and it changed him. He saw something for himself that created a shift in him. He realized that it was true, this was always how it was going to be. Something in him relaxed. He cried but it was a peaceful, open, and healing cry. He dropped his story about how things should have been for him and his wife. He came to acceptance in that moment. Yes, he continued to go in and out of his stories about how things should have been, but he also begin to move forward with his life. He began finding joy again. He began to feel his resilience. He began to live the life that was before him now. It is beautiful to watch someone find their way through such loss.

I see now that the difference in my experience between my mother’s death and my father’s death were the thoughts that I stitched together and returned to repeatedly. I had a terrible story about mama’s death and I suffered it. I had acceptance about my father’s death and I didn’t suffer. Of course I wept and grieved, but I did not suffer. I believe that it is quite possible to grieve without suffering as we drop the sticky stories that would consume us.

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Today, I will grieve my dear friend with as much presence as I can, allowing the stressful stories to move through as they will. It’s an important day for her. If you are so inclined, would you mind taking a moment to think of her? Send her some healing energy? Some love? Pray for her? I would be deeply grateful.

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If this blog post resonates with you or if you’d like to explore a new perspective on grief, I’m opening up one session on my calendar this next week for the first person who responds, at no charge. Contact Me

How to Deal with Stressful Thoughts

I awake from a gentle, peaceful sleep. Within a split second, swoosh!, a jumble of thoughts fills my mind. Another split second, and the peaceful sleep is gone. I start stitching thoughts together, weaving a rather dramatic story about my impending day.  

I begin a stressful dialogue with myself. “Our guests are going to be disappointed that it’s raining on their vacation. I feel responsible somehow. I’ve got to make sure they have a good time. I don’t want them to be disappointed. I resent them for making me feel responsible! No, I’m making me feel responsible for something that I can’t control. What’s wrong with me that I do that?  It’s crazy! I really should be working, not goofing off with family.” I continue the stressful dialogue, going down the rabbit hole of discontent all because of a little rain.

I fall for the dramatic story. Now I’m living the story. I regard the story I’ve created as reality. I give the story my full attention and energy. It takes on a life of its own. I am at its mercy and I feel the heaviness.

I remain ensconced until I become conscious of what I’m doing. In that moment, I’m able to see the stressful story for what it is. Made up. Once I wake up to what I’m doing, I no longer completely identify with it. There is a little space between the story and me. Now, I can breathe a tad easier. I can take the story less seriously and less personally. As I release my grasp on the story, it begins to release its hold on me.

Like clouds dissipating after a storm, the story begins to evaporate. The occasional stressful thought kicks up, trying to gain momentum, but dies down quickly as I simply observe it and leave it alone. I’m free now to go about my day, letting it unfold moment to moment.

Viktor Frankl, who was a holocaust survivor and had every reason to despair, said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” There is a space. In that space, we can choose to follow the stressful thoughts down the rabbit hole or we can disengage from those thoughts and face our day with clarity, whatever it may hold.

This can feel impossible in the beginning as we feel that there is something to fight or solve, but there’s not. Rather, there is something to notice. You could begin to notice how you focus on a particular stressful thought, how you stitch stressful thoughts together forming a stressful dialogue, and how that becomes an unconscious habit. Noticing it makes the habit conscious. Once conscious, you can see the space. Now you have a choice to follow the stressful thoughts or let them dissipate in their own time.

Even still, there are times I become aware of that space, that moment of choice, and I go down the rabbit hole anyway. At those times, all I can do is ride it out and give myself some grace and compassion. I’m learning. I’m imperfect. It’s OK. I’m waking up. You’re waking up, too. You could have a bit more compassion for yourself.

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If this blog post resonates with you or if you’d like to explore a new perspective on stressful thoughts, I’m opening up one session on my calendar this next week for the first person who responds, at no charge. Contact Me

For When You Are Falling Apart

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”  Pema Chodron

I’ve been sitting with this quote for a while, returning to it repeatedly throughout the week. It has such resonance. It reflects the story of my life perfectly. Coming together. Falling apart. Coming together. Falling apart. Yours, too?

I read Pema’s words differently today than I did when I first heard them many years ago. I’m learning not to take the “falling apart” so seriously and personally. I’m learning that the “falling apart” is not bad news. I’m learning that I don’t have to create some grand meaning about it, analyze it for weeks (or years!), or spin a stressful story about it. I can just let the emotions of it move through me in their own time, like storm clouds moving across the sky.

Pema says that the healing comes from letting there be room for it all. I don’t have to be so afraid of the grief or even the misery. Relief and joy will come once again. Eventually. Always.

I didn’t believe this when I went through a 6-year period of deep darkness and depression. I believed it was permanent. I couldn’t see my way through it. I spun terrible stories of doom. I tried to end it. It did end, but not in the desperate way I planned. It cleared. It cleared. I survived the storm.

When we take our falling apart times terribly seriously, we are seeding the emotional clouds. We do this innocently. The clouds become denser and more intense. There is no room left for the healing. When we leave the thoughts about what’s happening alone, the emotional storms dissipate naturally. There is room. There is nothing we have to do. Just as atmospheric storms naturally come and go, so do emotional storms. That’s just how the human psychological system works. We could leave them alone. We could let them dissipate.

I see Pema’s words as such good news now. We don’t have to fear the falling apart. We don’t have to cling to the coming together. We can make room for all of it.

I dedicate this post to my clients whom I love and for whom I have so much respect. They are doing the brave and daring work of transformation.

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If this blog post resonates with you or if you’d like to explore a new perspective on grief, I’m opening up one session on my calendar this next week for the first person who responds, at no charge to you. Contact Me

What is the Story of You?

“Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?”
— Charles Bukowski

I’ve been thinking about passion, inspiration, talent, and success lately. Since early adulthood, I’ve been told how much potential I have. Growing up, my family had few expectations of me, other than, “Don’t be ugly, Boo” (meaning, you need to act like a nice girl). I got the message that my best avenue for success would be to get married and let a man take care of me. I was told I was a follower, not a leader. I believed it.

I had headaches from the time I was six so my parents didn’t want to pressure me, thinking that expectations would make them worse. Apparently, I had quite a talent for the piano but my parents let me quit after only a couple of years, fearing that it would consume me because I was so gifted (Consume me? What does that even mean??). At the same time, they believed I was slow because I didn’t speak early enough and because I didn’t excel in school. Again, they didn’t want to pressure me.

Did my parents believe all that? Did they really give me all those messages? I doubt it, but, I created a story from their words and actions, nonetheless, and I lived as if it were true. I was gifted musically and athletically but slow intellectually, or so the story goes. They couldn’t encourage my talent too much because it might consume me or might make my headaches worse. They couldn’t expect much intellectually because I was slow and what’s the point? So, I floated along, buying into and keeping alive those stories. I fed them. I went to therapy. I nursed them. I used them as an excuse (innocently) for not mastering much of anything. I got by.

Over the years, I had some success here and there but I kept alive the story that I was slow and that I should avoid things requiring more than a little effort. After all, I wouldn’t want to make myself sick, or consume myself, or make a fool of myself.

I bought the story. I fed the story. I lived the story.

Here’s the thing, it never was anything but a story. A story I took seriously. A story I analyzed for years. A story I judged and agonized over. You see, I didn’t know it was a story. I thought I was those things. I innocently identified with the story and I lived accordingly. I suffered this made up story for decades.

Knowing that it is a story helps my grip loosen. It means that I no longer have to take it so seriously and personally. I no longer have to believe it. I no longer have to act on it. When it rears its ugly head, and it does, I can ignore it and carry on with my day. I can wake up to it and show the story out the door. I may even be able to master a few things.

I want you to know that whatever story you have about you is just a story. Family, friends, religion, and culture do not define you, though you’ve received many messages and stories from them. Some of those messages have been positive and some have been negative. None define you. You are not your story. When we wake up to the truth of that, we are free to get on with it from a place of clarity. We are free to create our lives.

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If this blog post resonates with you or if you’d like to explore a new perspective on who you are really and why it matters, I’m opening up a couple of times on my calendar this week for the first two people who respond, at no charge to you. Contact Me

How To Live In The Present Moment and Why It Matters

When the ocean surges, don’t let me just hear it. Let it splash inside my chest! Rumi

I think of all the times that I have missed experiencing life fully; all the times that life flirts with me, invites me, asks me to dance, and I fail to notice.  It’s hard to notice life’s invitations when we are distracted, overly busy, contracted, worried, or otherwise not present. When we aren’t in the present moment, it’s difficult to see the beauty and goodness that is here now. Even in the darkest moment, there is the possibility of transformation.

Sometimes, all it takes is an intentional breath to bring us back to this present moment. On Facebook the other day, I found a recommendation that I’ll share with you here. I wish I could credit the author but no name was given. The recommended prescription is said to help prevent anxiety attacks but its benefits go well beyond anxiety and can be helpful in experiencing life more fully and joyfully in the moment.

Here’s the prescription:

  • Breathe deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth.

  • Slowly look around you and find:

    • 5 things you can see

    • 4 things you can touch

    • 3 things you can hear

    • 2 things you can smell (that you like)

    • 1 emotion you feel.

“This is called Grounding – it can help when you feel like you’ve gone too far in your head and lost all control of your surroundings.” It’s also a great way to bring yourself back into the present moment when you’re feeling stressed.

The prescription above can be useful in bringing you firmly into the present moment, allowing the storm clouds of past remembering and future imaginings to disperse and clear. You see, we have everything we need in this moment, but not for a future moment. When we fall back into thoughts about our past or reach into the future with our imaginings, we can become anxious and disoriented. We can’t find the answers we need in the past or in the future because the answer only exists in this moment.

“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.” Eckhart Tolle

Take your time with Tolle’s words. Read them again. There is a great deal of wisdom there. Test it out for yourself and see if you can find the truth in his words. When I feel sad, overwhelmed, or stressed, I can almost always see - when I look - that I am stuck in the past or worried about the future. When I bring myself to the present moment, the murky waters clear and I more easily access my innate wisdom, resourcefulness, and resilience. From that place, I can find my way forward, and so can you.

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land, there is no other life but this.” Henry David Thoreau

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If this blog post resonates with you or if you’d like to explore a new perspective on how to live in the present moment and how that could benefit you, I’m opening up a couple of times on my calendar this week for the first two people who respond, at no charge to you. We will meet for 60-90 minutes via video chat. Contact Me