Snakes! and the Power of Thought

Carla Royal, M.ED., Mindset & Performance Coach

March 3, 2018

I walk the Hammock almost every day. The Hammock is a 100-acre forest in the heart of Dunedin, FL. I feel perfectly at home there. I see roseate spoonbills, owls, hawks, egrets, herons, turtles, lizards, and the occasional snake, among other critters. I absolutely love walking the trails.

Today, Pedro and I wandered into the Hammock and something fast and small bit my leg scaring the bejeezus out of me! Snake! I looked down only to find that I had stepped on a small stick. I shook my head and then my whole body, releasing the surge of adrenaline and cortisol that filled me. Fifteen minutes later, it happened again! Snake! Of course, it, too, was nothing more than a stick. I shook my head once again and laughed at how ridiculous I was being.

I walk these trails every day, never afraid, even if sticks do pop up and hit me from time to time. What was different today? I had snakes on the mind because Pam and I had been talking about them the day before. I thought the stick was a snake. Even though it barely felt like much of anything, I almost jumped out of my skin! That, my friend, is the power of thought. I was experiencing my thinking in the moment, nothing more.

Additionally, I had a business meeting with a colleague today. The conversation didn't go as I had imagined. I hung up and began to feel a tad sorry for myself. That's when I got up and went into the woods, only to be bitten by two snakes! Of course, I've already established that there were no snakes. No snake bites and no snakes in the conversation. I realized that I thought the conversation was a snake, just as I thought the stick was a snake. I started to make up what was going to happen in the future as a result of the conversation. I decided it wasn't going to go well after all. I decided the call was bad news, yet, there was no bad news. Just different news than I had expected.

Once I realized that I was buying into these thoughts that were welling up in my mind, I began to relax, allowing them to move through me. I reminded myself that the future is an incomplete equation. I can't possibly know how the situation will unfold. When I started to believe that I did know and then the conversation didn't go as I imagined, I freaked out a bit, fearful that things wouldn't turn out well. Truth is, I have no idea how it will turn out and I had no idea before the conversation either. All of it was made up! I believed the thoughts to be real and that's why I felt I had been bitten by a snake. There was no snake. Only thought in the moment.

Can you relate? How many times have you seen a snake, whether in the woods or in a person or situation only to find that it was a stick? How many times have you made up an imagined future only to find that the future turns out completely differently? Probably more than you can count. And how much stress have you experienced as a result?

When we get caught up in an imagined future and in our exponential thinking, insight eludes us and we can become stressed, angry, disappointed, or fearful. When we recognize thought for what it is, we relax a bit and can begin to bring ourselves back to the present moment, allowing the thoughts to move through and opening to the insights we need to handle right now. We have all we need to deal with this moment. Even if it is a real snake.

I would be delighted to hear your thoughts.

By the way, I offer Free Well-Being Resources for anyone who subscribes to my weekly inspirational newsletter. You will receive inspirational tools to support you in returning to a place of clarity and wellbeing in your day to day life plus framable (high resolution) images and quotes that I have created just for my subscribers to inspire you. It's my way of saying thank you for your time and attention. These tools, quotes, and images are completely free of charge and can be accessed instantly when you sign up for the newsletter.

Carla Royal, M.ED., Mindset & Performance Coach

February 26, 2018

The Struggle to be Perfect

Carla Royal, M.ED., Mindset & Performance Coach

February 26, 2018

"I thought I had to become something... something more, something better, maybe even something different."

Since 1990, I have been in the business of helping people either as a psychotherapist or certified coach, except for the couple of years I worked as a horse farm caretaker and the couple of years I owned a fine art gallery. Even then, I always had a client or two. It's been an interesting, bumpy journey to say the least.

Against all odds, because I really hated school, I went back to university 30 years ago to earn my graduate degree in counseling. I trained. I got credentialed. I set up a practice. I struggled. I helped people. I struggled. I felt like a fraud because I struggled. I helped people despite my struggles. I felt inauthentic because I wrestled my own demons. I helped my clients. They said so. I felt I wasn't enough. I quit and worked on a horse farm. I knew the farm animals had no expectations of me.

After a couple of years on the farm, I decided to work with people again because that truly is my calling. I got more training and more credentials thinking that would prove my worth. For some reason, I thought I needed to be perfect in order to help people. Of course, I wasn't and I didn't have to be. In fact, since that time, I've learned that the struggle to be perfect actually interfered with the perfection that I am at my core already. We forget that our essence is perfectly whole. When we forget, we struggle and suffer, and boy did I suffer, almost to death (another story for another time).

Since then, I've learned that life (God, spirit, the intelligence behind all life, or whatever name you call it) is living me... just as life lives the oak tree that grows from an acorn... just as life lives the precious songbird who knows innately to wake up each morning and search for food... just as the flower effortlessly opens its petals. It took me quite a few years to learn this, and I still forget. Life continued living me, as it lives everyone, even though I didn't understand, even though I struggled against it. I thought I had to become something... something more, something better, maybe even something different. This thought took on a life of its own, as thought tends to do, and I suffered greatly. Perhaps you understand the struggle.

Perhaps you can feel the power of thought at work in you, how it takes on a life of its own and runs the show. Such and such happens, thoughts flood your mind racing into the future or reaching into the past. "Maybe, I'm not good enough, smart enough, brave enough. I'll never manage this. How will I ever get through this? Or, how dare they! How could they! Why me?" The story gets bigger and more powerful as it generates emotion. The story exponentially escalates as we feed the flame. It feels so real and compelling! Now it has become unmanageable, indeed.

Here's the thing, you and I can handle this present moment. We are built to handle the present moment. It's our default. When we get caught up in our personal thinking about what's happening, reaching into the past and future, we create suffering. Test it for yourself. See where this may be true in your life. Notice the stories you spin. The ones that keep you up at night and keep you from relaxing during the day. Notice how the stories themselves cause you to suffer rather than the situation at hand. It can be tricky to see at times so experiment with it and see what you see. You may be surprised.

You can handle the situation at hand. I promise. What feels so unmanageable is the exponential thinking you're having about the situation. When you let that exponential thinking fall away, the clouds eventually part and the sun of your well-being and clarity appear. You can count on it.

I would be delighted to hear your thoughts.

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