Juliet and I are interested in riffing on simple, practical wisdom that can help us navigate this human condition which can feel heavy at times. Juliet and I both have experienced depression throughout our lives. We explore what else is possible other than either collapsing into our emotions or denying them completely. We are curious about how we have seen our experience of depression change, how our relationship to the experience can change. We explore how our experience has changed and what might account for that.
Here’s what we explored in episode 17:
noticing that teachers who are humble, light-hearted, and really grounded, you can experience a deep heart to heart connection without the usual personal details
it is our thinking that takes us out of an awareness of connection
when we feel a sense of connection: space opens up, in our heart, in our minds, in our day
when we seem to have 'lost connection', we go looking in our toolbox for techniques to help us out but they're not always helpful because they are old and stale.
whereas there is fresh, helpful thinking available for this moment, right here, right now
'going into our head' is a place where we are cut off from connection. There's not much joy, nothing fresh there but it feels safe
I notice how that disconnection response takes the joy and engagement out of all parts of life and that doesn't feel okay
we can take a moment to be in awe of the creative nature of or coping mechanisms brought to us via the power of Thought
then our minds rush in to ask, 'I don't feel connected, how do I feel more connected?'
the only thing that takes us out of a feeling of connection is the thinking that says, "I am not connected"
notice the moments when our problem thinking just dissolves for example when we get on a call with a client or colleague - that was a change of thought
you can just let it be, if you can and if you can't, let that be!
once we decide how we feel is a problem, that is when we can get really stuck
when depression lifts (often it feels like it just dispersed) is when we get fresh thinking
fresh thinking can happen at any time
whether we fight it, we collapse into it, surrender to it or transcend it, either way, it will pass
analysis and judgment can plunge us into shame
sometimes when we're struggling, we can realise perhaps it is lack of sleep - we're exhausted
it's helpful when you remember all the things you've come through in the past
think of the ancient live oaks, still standing for 300 years, through hurricanes and all kinds of weather
they began as tiny acorns. In an acorn is the blueprint of the mighty oak. But it didn't happen overnight
think of the rosebud: you can't force open that bud, it will open in its own time
relax, let life unfold, we don't need to figure it out.
life is living the tree, the bloom and us
'let wisdom come to you', says Christine Heath
Juliet tells her story of experiencing depression and her seeing the stages she went through
massive resistance ensued and she was in battle but she noticed how the feeling is a guide
exhaustion and numbness followed
then the collapsing began to happen and it started to look hopeless
she noticed the fine distinction between collapsing and surrendering
surrendering was a kind of acceptance and there was a release
she strummed her ukulele and the tears came (which also looks comical in retrospect)
the less we care about how we feel the less it matters and the less it sticks
Juliet was obsessed with how she felt and believed there was a lot of valuable information in how she felt
it looked like there was useful information in my feelings: about myself, about the world, about other people
when we realize there is something bigger than our feelings then our feelings don't matter so much
as our heart opens and we connect with something bigger - it's that which cleans up our stuckness
you can't make yourself surrender
you can't make yourself have an insight
but we can settle down and open to the possibility of insight
the song 'Don't worry, be happy' used to make Carla so mad as it felt so dismissive and invalidating of her emotions
knowing that when our thinking changes we will see things differently is helpful even if it doesn't immediately pop us out of our mood
acceptance and allowing are hugely helpful and as we see deeper these naturally arise more
excessive gentleness, listening, and curiosity
when someone is in distress and we meet them and our heart is open, we don't know what we're going to say but we can trust that people will feel the love
you can't think your way or force your way into acceptance and surrender
there is a deeper feeling and connection available to us
knowing something else will come around is so helpful
when we all caught up, we can't feel our divinity, only our heavy humanness. What Juliet and Carla can do is see and connect with the divinity in their clients
we want to share and explore the divinity we see in each other and our listeners
Juliet appreciates Carla's willingness to show the listeners how we can be in our messy human-ness one minute and then pop out of it
Juliet shares how much energy she put into hiding how she felt, hiding how much of a mess she was and how exhausting that was
Juliet sees that in the act of trying to hide her messiness (or human-ness), she created so much suffering
Quotes and References
“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times"Every storm runs out of rain" Maya Angelou
"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them." Albert Einstein
"Let wisdom come to you", Christine Heath
Don't Worry, Be Happy, by Bobby McFerrin 1988