This was such a fun exploration! Juliet and I laughed at the topic, as the idea that our feelings don't matter, would have been met with outrage by both of us in our younger days. "WHAT, you cannot be serious!?!?!??! We both confess to having drama queen tendencies and would have been affronted if anyone suggested our feelings didn't matter. We both believed our emotions were telling us very important information about how we were doing (or the world, or others, our work, relationships, lifestyle or whatever) and that low or bad feelings definitely looked like they had to be dealt with.
Here’s what we explored:
we share an understanding that how we feel is not a reliable indicator of who we are, it's just how we feel in that moment
they come and go
experiment and see for yourself if this is true
it is not 'feel the fear and do it anyway'
it comes from a real knowing there is something beyond our feeling state
some collapse into emotions others vigorously suppress them
this is not over-riding or avoiding emotions, it is about tuning in to something deeper
'Thought screams; wisdom whispers', Debbie Trent
wanting to feel peaceful all the time is a trap
do you interpret feelings like anxiety as a sign of problems (in your life)?
what if they are just emotions moving through you?
what if we don't need to analyze or judge our feelings so much?
everyone is looking for peace of mind, ease, connection, right?
are we looking in the wrong place, looking in our emotions, when there is something beyond them?
a sense of 'all shall be well' is when everything relaxes: time and space disappear and our emotions too?
people love clouds, people flock to watch the sunsets
sunsets without clouds are not that interesting
storm clouds make for extraordinary sunsets
our emotions are like clouds
when we don't over-identify with our emotions and simply let them be, move through us, they can become incredibly rich experiences, like grief for example
being wholeheartedly in the experience without paying so much attention to the accompanying commentary or story
the sun illuminates the clouds even on the darkest day
It's like the sun represents consciousness, that which lights up all our emotions, allows us to feel them,
Juliet says she would have made a fabulous opera diva if only she could sing
her experience was full of drama, everything felt intense, she invested her emotions with maximum importance. Carla too!
not making those feelings WHO I am
an emotion in and of itself is neither good nor bad
we can see that because some people seek out and pay for intense sensations e.g. going bungy jumping to feel fear
other fear eg anxiety
it's fascinating to realize the impact of our naming of feelings and the meaning we put on them
one person can interpret tingling as excitement; another as fear
a little bit of stress can give you a little pep
in any given moment, the possibility for what we can experience, is infinite
know that the mind can change
whatever you think or feel in this moment: KNOW it is going to change
whether you pop out quickly or hang out in it for weeks, at some point it changes
if we didn't care HOW we felt, what would that be like?
the psychological system is always seeking equilibrium
if a pond is churned up and you've lost something in there, the thing to do is go sit on the bank and wait for the water to settle
give ourselves a little tender loving care, attend to ourselves gently
stop stirring up the pond, sit on the bank of yourself in wonder
we touch moments when we are unself-conscious
in those moments gratitude, compassion, gentleness flow more naturally
so easy to overlook the quiet moments
when we take our emotions a little less personally we can more fully experience them
if we paid less attention to our stories about how we feel we would be free to simply experience them in glorious technicolor
Quotes and References
'Thoughts scream; wisdom whispers', Debbie Trent
'All shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well' Julian of Norwich
Pema Chödrön - books and videos
A Beautiful Mind is a 2001 American biographical drama film based on the life of the American mathematician John Nash, a Nobel Laureate in Economics and Abel Prize winner. The film was directed by Ron Howard, from a screenplay written by Akiva Goldsman. Starring Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, and Ed Harris.
Thank you for listening. We'd love to hear your questions or feedback so drop us a line. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share on your networks as we'd love more people to get the chance to tune in, slow down and listen to their own wisdom, especially at these times.