Juliet and I show up in this episode feeling some tenderness but we get curious about what we know helps and what doesn't help when things feel difficult. We recognize that when we get insights or breakthroughs - they rarely come from trying to figure things out. We see how anxiety about the future isn't helpful. We explore what we see that does help: shifts in consciousness.
Here’s what we explored:
noticing where our hearts are hard: 'how can people do that? how can people say that?
hard hearts tend to create judgment
we all have the capacity to be compassionate and hard-hearted
can we see how we're the same?
trying to be a better person or a better citizen rarely creates change
a shift in consciousness goes to the heart of things and transforms our experience of self and others
sometimes we have to hit the bottom before we can breakthrough
there is a kind of disintegration, a devolving
the caterpillar completely disintegrates - that is part of its soul's code
we are afraid of devolution and disintegration
jumping in to try and fix people when something is trying to die and be born, can get in the way
the disintegration phase can be frightening, lonely, and sad and that's all legitimate
that is understandable: you are letting go of a way that no longer serves
we have a soul's code, just as the acorn has the blue-print to be an oak.
surrendering to our soul's code
a period of anger and resentment can give way to a period of sadness which is a relief
when we break open and allow ourselves to embody our feelings it can be a very raw and tender place as we wait for what might take root
and when we want to avoid that tender place, we can use things to numb us out, like social media, alcohol, etc
the hardening, softening, ripeness, rawness, tenderness are all cycles of being
maybe life is not linear but cyclical like everything else in nature
winter is a time of gathering in, going into hibernation
in spring the soil warms up and new life emerges
as we find ourselves returning to old patterns of thought or circumstance looks to be an invitation for our relationship to our experience to transform
look for the gifts in experience from simple curiosity, a gift for its own sake not for self-improvement
what is there that is not the story of my conditioning, something that is just new and fresh?
all around and within us we see the hard shells and we see the potential if we can just break open
the hard shell is all about fear - we're just scared
when we see the fear, we can have so much compassion for self and others
the hardness of heart is made of thought: fear is made of thought
we all have the capacity to have hard hearts and soft hearts
hardness of heart is not fixed: it comes and goes like the ebb and flow of the tide
the heart opening is just a thought away, knowing that fear can dissolve at any moment makes everything up for grabs
seeing ourselves in others and them in us
when we're in battle, it is fear fighting fear: we're both fighting phantoms; we don't see the other person, we see our fear
George Pransky in his book, The Relationship Handbook tells of being in the military and how, when there is an argument, combatants were made to stand one each side of a window, and clean the glass. Invariably, the conflict fell away as they began to really see each other
Carla talks of recognizing that the feeling of hopelessness is simply a feeling and how that knowing is really helpful.
Seeing that a feeling of hopelessness can lift all of a sudden, for no apparent reason
the misunderstanding that the strength of feeling is a measure of how urgently things need to be fixed
fixing feelings looks like a way to control things but in fact that control is an illusion
Carla talks about wanting to stay open battling with feelings of wanting to shut down or figure it out. The only thing to do is surrender and stay tender.
Carla recognizes she doesn't need to shut down, there is nothing to fear.
Juliet asks, 'Who is suffering?'
Recognizing the difference between 'being in the sadness' versus engaging with all the stressful thinking, 'what about this and that?'
Quotes and References
Book: The Soul's Code by James Hillman
Satday Soup for the Sista's Soul podcast by Cheri Gillings - Less fixing, more feeling
Book: The Relationship Handbook by Dr George Pransky
“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, remembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.” T.S. Eliot