Sacred Witness

This past weekend, I started reading Integral Life Practice:  A 21^st-Century Blueprint for Physical Health, Emotional Balance, Mental Clarity, and Spiritual Awakening by Ken Wilber, Terry Patten, Adam Leonard & Marco Morelli.  It appeals to me because it is a holistic/integrated approach to well-being that can be applied regardless of one’s spiritual or religious orientation.  It includes practices for the body, mind, spirit, and shadow dimensions of one’s life.

When I see the Sanderlings at dawn busy searching for sustenance, I think of my own spiritual practice and the ways that I nourish myself.  I begin my day with yoga and meditation, and then (after barn chores!) I enjoy spiritual readings with my partner.  This has become such a treasured and compelling time for me, though I struggled for many years to come to this.  I look forward to seeing how I may refine these practices as I continue reading Integral Life Practice.

I would love to hear about your practice or struggles with practice.

I saw a bee yesterday for the first time since the fall.  Spring is whispering!  There is still a lot of snow on the ground but spring is in the air.  We can all feel it–even the goats.  Soon tiny buds and shoots will appear, then explode.  This is the time of year when I really miss the south.  Spring in the south is spectacular!  Azaleas, Dogwood trees, Magnolias, Eastern Redbuds, Jonquils/Daffodils.  But here, I have the advantage of feeling spring while snow-shoeing through the woods wearing only a sweatshirt.  Yesterday, I sat out on the porch in the warm sun with my little family and dear friends up the road in upstate NY, and arrived home in time to see folks cross-country skiing across the frozen lake to their ice-fishing hole.  Soon the lake will thaw and we’ll be able to kayak again.  I love all the seasons, but I especially love the fall and winter in the north, and the spring and summer in the south.

How is this time of year for you?

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Marianne Williamson

Why do I stay small?  In round about ways, I’ve been exploring this question for some years.  At times I’ve thought I stay small because I’m not smart enough, not talented enough, not disciplined enough, not strong enough, not courageous enough—not adequate.  Lately, I seem to be coming to the conclusion that something else entirely is keeping me small.  I stay small so that I won’t have to step into responsibility.  If I step into my power then I must truly grow up and become a mature adult.  I see a lot of mature adult bodies walking around but very few mature adults in mind, spirit, and emotion.  I also see enormous and frequent misuses of power—power over.  True, authentic power requires responsibility; and it requires that I use my power in the service of the highest good.  It requires that I step out of my selfishness and pettiness.  It requires that I choose to do what is good, right, and true even when it’s hard.  It requires full commitment, the kind of commitment those baby birds made when they first leapt from their nest and spread their wings.  It’s a tall order but I doubt those baby birds have had a moment of regret.

I’ve spent a good portion of my life hiding.  The hiding has taken many forms.   I have hidden behind façades, mostly to keep from being seen.  I’ve hidden behind pain, maybe to keep from stepping fully into responsibility.  I’ve hidden behind beliefs, keeping me from having to think critically.  I’ve hidden behind lies, mostly to keep from disappointing others. I’ve hidden behind smallness, primarily because I’m afraid of my own power.

This hiding has cost me a great deal and it has negatively impacted others.  It has taken a toll, and it does not serve me or anyone else.  In so many ways I have stepped out of hiding in recent years.  What a relief!  I feel like a great burden has been lifted.  Some don’t like or understand what they see but most seem to appreciate the authenticity.  I still have difficulty stepping fully into my power, and I know it will take a lot of intentional work to do so.   I’ll be 50 this year and I am dedicating the next decade to stepping fully into my power and, from that place, being of more service to the world.

I would love to hear from some of you about how this is for you.  In what ways are you hiding and in what ways have you stepped more fully into your power?

This Blue Jay seems to be grasping the branch with all his might.  When he grasps so tightly, he has to place all of his focus right there upon that which he grasps, thus, his focus becomes very small and limited.

When I am grasping, clutching, clinging to something, whether onto a belief, idea, person, or situation, I find that my focus becomes very small, limited, and self-absorbed.  In this state, I may not be able to see alternatives, possibilities, or opportunities.  I may not notice the powerful wind ruffling my feathers ready to lift me into the air if only I let go of the branch and spread my wings.  After all, I am meant to fly!

I have a challenge that is asking me to let go of the branch and spread my wings.  I’m scared.  It’s safe and familiar right here on the branch, but not very satisfying or fulfilling.  I’ve flown a thousand times now.  I know how freeing it is to soar, and I know now that I am capable of it, even made for it.  But the wind wants to take me to new territory.  Do I have the courage?

Come to the Edge

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge.

It’s too high!

COME TO THE EDGE!

And they came,

And he pushed,

And they flew.

Christopher Logue

I glanced at this photo recently and thought how beautiful it is.  It’s a unique perspective, isn’t it?  But while the tree provides a really cool frame for the mountain landscape, it is also extremely limiting.  I began wondering about my own limited view.  What are the frames I use to give me a false sense of security or that keep me small?  There have certainly been many throughout my life, many that I can now see and have discarded.  And I know that there are many still, that I can’t yet see.

I also see limited perspectives all around me.  It concerns me how very attached people are to their particular frame of reference.  These frames keep them small and petty, unable to see Possibility.  Sometimes I want to pull people from behind the tree and show them the vast landscape.  Many simply don’t want to give up their cool frame of reference.  I understand.  It feels safe and secure behind that tree.  The vastness can sometimes overwhelm.  But I want to shout, It’s worth it!  Be overwhelmed!  Let the vastness, richness, and beauty overtake you!   And once you do, you’ll never be able to remain behind your tiny, limiting frame again.

At times, I still have to shout this to myself.  I have to remind myself that I, too, get stuck behind the safe frame of the tree.  I have to be vigilant in examining my thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, and emotions.  Meditation is one way I practice this.  Meditation seems to have a way of cutting through the limiting frames, opening me to the vastness.  While the vastness is overwhelming from time to time, I welcome it; I find it well worth the courage it takes to come out from behind that tree.

Here’s a great video showing the vastness of our universe:  Symphony of Science



My sweet dog friend, Pedro, lives life large!  He reminds me to live large, too.  He reminds me to get outside and breathe, no matter the weather.  He teaches me about being present in the moment.  And he teaches me about  finding joy even in the face of obstacles.  Thank you, Dudie!

Turn up your volume!

The ancients advise waking with the dawn. Rumi says, “The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.  Don’t go back to sleep.”  And, “The morning wind spreads its fresh smell.  We must get up and take that in, that wind that lets us live.  Breathe before it’s gone.”*  Spiritual practitioners of today often recommend the same.

I love my morning spiritual practice.  It has become a vital part of my day and wellbeing.  My morning rituals ground and connect me.  It took me many years to finally establish a regular spiritual practice because my interior was in such turmoil.  I simply couldn’t settle down enough to do it.  My long walks in nature and my connection there have helped me quiet down enough to actually settle into a compelling, organic, and authentic practice.  Now, I look forward to rising with the sun to breathe the dawn.

*The Essential Rumi translations by Coleman Barks

This is spooky.  She is blind.  She may be the most soulful horse I’ve ever met.  She has a courageous vulnerability that is gripping.  She moves through her world very differently than the horses around her.  She navigates the huge pasture with amazing grace and courage.  She may not be able to see me but when I look into her eyes I don’t see blindness, I see soul, and we connect.

Connection is possible in many ways and on many levels, even if we don’t see eye to eye.  We are all blind in one way or another.  As we acknowledge that, perhaps we can navigate through the fields of life and relationships a little more gracefully.  If I can look past my blindness and past your blindness and see your soul, then maybe we can connect–no matter the beliefs and assumptions we each have.  If, on the other hand, I get hung up on your beliefs that differ from mine, then I’m going to thwart connection.  Connection is something much deeper and richer than agreement or than seeing eye to eye, and it takes much more courage than simple agreement.  Spooky relies on her hearing far more than the other horses.  This is a good reminder for me to take the time to listen deeply to others, regardless of their beliefs or assumptions–or mine.

I’m on turtle time.  This is my powerful reframe for some past negative beliefs and thoughts I’ve had about myself.  I’m a late bloomer, and there was a time when some others, and I, believed that I was “slow”.   I slept a lot when very young, was painfully shy, didn’t start talking quite on time, and I struggled all the way through school.  I just wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer–at least that’s what I came to believe–and I lived up to the expectation for a long time.

I haven’t done much with my life according to the standards of western culture; I haven’t achieved much.  I don’t have a husband, children, property, money, or advancing career.  I haven’t kept up with the Joneses.  And yet, I have found a richness in life that many don’t find in a lifetime, and an openness, too.   Perhaps I’ve found this richness because I have moved through life slowly, taking all the time I need to come to terms with Life.  In approaching life in turtle time, I see so much more than I would if I were racing through it like the hare.

Turtle is strong, committed, and grounded.  Turtle is determined and has great courage.  Turtle finishes the race.  Turtle has taught me about presence and meditation, enabling me to see opportunity and possibility.  Turtle is a worthy and welcome ally.