In this episode, Juliet and I explore one of our favorite topics: procrastination! A long-time companion for us both, we get curious about what we might see fresh about this juicy topic. It was great fun to explore how our relationship to procrastination keeps evolving. Expectations and agreements also guest-starred in this episode.

Here’s what we explored:

• what if procrastination isn't a problem?

• what if, instead, it's a superpower!

• what if in fact, you need to race the clock to get inspired and motivated like Carla?

• what if we stopped judging and making ourselves wrong for procrastinating?

• we invite you to experiment for yourselves

• what if you lean into your procrastination and harness that energy

• on the other hand for some racing against the clock adds so much more stress

• so what's up with that?

• we unconsciously accept the idea that procrastination is a 'bad thing'

• it's not what we do (or don't do) it's what we make of what we do that creates suffering or ease

• when we argue with ourselves (and our experience) we just drain ourselves, using up tonnes of mental energy

• 'deadlinitus', any other fellow sufferers?

• sometimes changing the word can help e.g. incubation

• sometimes we procrastinate because the project isn't ready or we're not ready

• begin to notice how often new information comes in which changes the way you tackle a project or fundamentally changes the direction

• if you hadn't procrastinated you wouldn't have caught that fresh input

• in how many areas do we have invisible assumptions and beliefs which set us up for mental conflict?

• when we get caught in turmoil it can be helpful to take a look further back, what is behind your 'yes'

• why did you say yes?

• maybe deep down we don't want to do it, we can't do it or we don't have the resources to do it

• we may know intuitively that we want to say no, but over-ride it and say yes

• obligations and expectations can cause us to say yes when we 'no' is more aligned

• some people say yes to everything and can get resentful but still follow through

• some people say no to everything, protective of their energy and capacity, and maybe miss out

• in either case, slowing down and checking in with ourselves can help get more clarity about what we do and don't want to do

• wouldn't it be lovely if we got in the habit of saying, 'let me get back to you, in business, in families, at school?

• it would be a model for others, our partners, our kids, employees, and our clients

• asking for space to get clear in yourself can be so helpful for you as an individual

• even more helpful if you are a leader

• the willingness to not know is the sign of a great leader

• what if we turn not knowing on its head, instead of being a negative thing, it is a superpower

• what if 'not knowing' is a fertile space

• when we step away from the battle in our head we get to sit on the bank on ourselves

• what if we made pausing, reflecting, sitting on the bank of ourselves, the role of experts and leaders?

• at times we procrastinate because we are frightened, afraid to dive in, then we can scare ourselves more and more and when that happens, Carla finds it better to take care of the task

• when the unfinished task sits on your mind, it can get VERY heavy

• Juliet used to pull all-nighters at university to finish essays and then when she was a copywriter, she realized she had to find a new way

• she came up with a very structured way of tackling multiple copywriting projects

• all-nighters were very adrenaline-fueled

• the structured process was very tightly controlled

• nowadays Juliet has less on her mind around procrastination so it isn't so excruciating

• we spend a lot of energy trying to curate our lives to look presentable to others (as we imagine they want)

• expectations always disappoint and can make you feel bad

• expectations are also not very clear, you have to try and suss it out

• agreements on the other hand are co-created and so much clearer

• when we have expectations we often don't account for the other person's perspective, everyone is living in their separate reality

• to make good agreements, you have to be clear and willing to involve the other person and be willing to change the agreement

• expectations are not always voiced so you are asking someone else to be a mind reader

• when you get into a conversation to make agreements, you may discover things you didn't know or don't like

• murky expectations can also be part of why we procrastinate

• when we're lost in murky resentments everything is going to feel yuck

• sometimes you start a project full of resentment but after half an hour you notice it's gone. Our thoughts have shifted; we are absorbed in the endeavor

• other times, we start a project and keep distracting ourselves, unwilling to stay with the task, the resentment hangs around like a bad smell

• perfectionism can be a cause of procrastination

• Carla has found that going for 80% perfect has been really helpful

• separate realities is a great place to explore in more and more places and more and more depth

• what if we met everyone's experience with curiosity?

• what if we met our procrastination with a bunch of curiosity, not judgment or shame?

Quotes and References

• Kolbe Index

• 'I love deadlines, I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by', Douglas Adams

• Steve Chandler, Supercoach, audio Expectations versus agreements

• 'Expectations are resentments under construction' Anne Lamott

Thank you for listening. We'd love to hear your procrastination stories, so drop us a line. If you like this podcast, please rate, review and share it. It all helps spread the word, we appreciate it.