In this episode, we took our time to decide if we wanted to explore getting vulnerable. As our podcast is called Riffing on Realness, we decided to go ahead and explore vulnerability. When your primitive brain gets activated, you can get scared, dazed, and confused.

Here’s what we explored:

• when we feel embarrassed we can get dazed and confused because we feel out of control

• when we feel very exposed our primitive brain can get triggered telling us we're going to get kicked out of our tribe

• even if others think we are vulnerable and share lots of deep things, in fact, we may still be guarded and keeping tight control

• we can be vulnerable on our own terms

• the feeling of being ambushed can be intense and disorientating

• the idea that someone has found a chink in the armor

• the desire to control can be invisible to us

• seeing the flight reaction in action can be startling

• seeing how defended we are can be a shock

• being very defended, excessively independent can be a trauma response

• in being so defended, we miss out on so much of the good, the true, and the beautiful in life

• are we curating our life for others (consciously or unconsciously)?

• we may curate ourselves as wise, rich, and loving when there is also a messy side which we try to hide

• sometimes we dress up judgment as curiosity and if we get caught out it can throw us into a spin because the danger signal gets triggered

• we are all just human; we make mistakes, fall into judgment

• we can end up hiding parts of ourselves

• we can end up trying to stage-manage our lives

• avoiding difficult situations can feel like a practical response

• we can end up feeling some parts of ourselves are not allowed

• noticing how low feelings can just come in even when we're having a good day

• but they can also go away again

• when we are dazed and confused, it's a great time to sit on the bank of ourselves and be compassionate

• sometimes when our primitive brain is triggered, we can bring on our executive function and over-ride it. Other times we can't.

• when we don't have to bring a bunch of meaning and judgment to it

• if we can leave it be, it tends to dissipate quicker

• we can question 'what just happened?', 'why am I feeling like this?'

• for Juliet when she gets reactive with 'difficult' people, the mind can go to all the things the other person has or hasn't done

• when we see that the reactivity is often not about the situation in front of us (unless there is real and present danger)

• the mind can get scrambled when it can't come up with a story

• but this can be an opening

• getting curious about vulnerability.

• our identities and security don't come from our possessions, success, or our looks

• when that illusion gets popped it can be devastating

• when we've lost everything (or when we haven't) we can live in fear of losing things

• yet losing things and bouncing back is resilience

• there's a lot of freedom when we see through the illusion

• sometimes when we bump up against our illusions it can be just a lovely letting go

• other times it can be disorientating, like when a big chunk of the iceberg falls off

• there are times we may need to be defended, like Carla's dog Pedro, after the surgery

• it's appropriate to be compassionate with ourselves when we get triggered

• disconnection from one another, from the earth, and ultimately there is disconnection from our own spirit/souls

• we miss out on the richness and variety of life possible if many people are going around defended against the harshness of the world

• time to learn each others' songs