In this episode we explore simplicity. When it looks like we are up against a mountain of things to worry about, think about and manage, we often find other people's advice, at best unhelpful and often just irritating. We wanted to explore whether there is a simpler way.

Here’s what we explored:

• when people try and fix us or our problems it's not helpful, it can be disempowering

• what about not offering solutions to others?

• what if we have faith that others can figure things out?

• what if we wait to be asked for advice?

• the simplicity and power of just being present with someone is under-estimated

• wanting to fix others is usually about the fixer's ego

• fixers often can't tolerate someone's else's pain or discomfort

• fixing is often about the fixer feeling better

• to have someone sit with you when you are hurt, confused or angry is incredibly powerful

• Carla talks about an initial conversation she has with prospective clients where she doesn't coach but listens deeply and asks questions

• what if we don't need a bag of tools and techniques to deal with work, family or finances?

• what if bringing the simplicity of listening with a tender, open-heart is all we need?

• a psychological relaxation is a kind of dropping down under our thoughts rather than trying to control or argue with our thoughts

• listening to understand means listening with an open minded curiosity

• when we are too in love with our own great ideas we stop listening

• when people are going through difficult life challenges, we can worry about what to say or do.

• Just show up and be present and see what occurs

• support (for ourselves and others) can be incredibly simple

• sometimes we don't need words, so much is carried on the feeling, more than we realise

• in a constricted tense mind, it's almost impossible to come up with solutions

• also in a numb, zoned out mind, problems can seem overwhelming

• that deeper, peaceful feeling is never far away

• we can discover the possibility of a little reboot at any odd moment

• gentle encouragement to look towards a deeper experience

• trying to force our mind into any particular state tends to just get in the way - more busy thinking

• how is it we can switch out of a low mood for example, when we have a work call?

• fresh thought gives us a fresh experience

• if you deeply realise that, it begins to change your relationship to how you feel

• state of mind is fluid: notice how much it changes through the day

• when you feel state of mind gives us an experience of irritability

• if you try to solve a problem from that irritable state, everything you look at will be experienced as irritating

• what about long term depression, how do you get over that?

• there is a deeper dimension that is beyond or before your mood

• when we begin to see that all our feelings are coming from inside of us, there is a freedom in recognising that

• often we add a pile of judgement, analysis and shame on how we feel and so we have the experience of being shamed, wrong, not good enough

• grieving is healthy, it's a way of coming back to equilibrium if we allow ourselves to experience it wholeheartedly

• then it doesn't feel as sticky

• our psychological system will come back to equilibrium

• there is a way to feel more grounded through what we think of as difficult emotions

• when we expand into how we feel, huge arms of love wrapped around whatever we are feeling: grief, mean-ness

• we are participants and creators in the experience we are having

• as we get insights around where our experience is coming from, our relationship to our moods begins to change

• our capacity to feel, to feel love, and appreciate everyday beauty, expands

• the need to control begins to fall away

• the control, analysis, and judgment takes so much energy

• wonder about that still space before our thoughts and feelings

• we touch that space all the time, it's ordinary, but we overlook it

Quotes and Reference

• Adyashanti - on many social media platforms