Emotions of all sorts get stirred up during the holidays. Joy, anticipation, gratitude, sorrow, longing, and irritability are just a few. Some folks draw energy from the season. Others are utterly exhausted and depressed.

I remember dreading the holidays. They were painful for me. Often, I’d suffer for a full month. I was living in memories of past holidays that didn’t go well and worried about what might go wrong in the upcoming holiday. On top of that, I often felt shame about all that I didn’t accomplish during the past year, then worry about the coming year and stress about how things might go awry. All of this was a recipe for a miserable holiday time.

Lao Tzu says, “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

It’s easy to get caught up in thoughts of past and future. We all do it. Innocently. The trick is to wake up to ourselves, with compassion.

I have a client who is a confident, highly successful corporate consultant and trainer. She confessed to me that she was feeling terribly anxious about visiting her mother for the holidays. She had gained some weight since she last saw her mom. She anticipated that her mom would open the door to her and immediately start in on her about her weight. After all, she’d done it numerous times in the past.

I asked my client how she reacted when she believed her mother would receive her in this way. She said that she became defended, on guard, ashamed, angry, and withholding. She would shut down.

I asked if she thought her mother would feel all of that defensiveness. She knew that her mom would feel it and would most likely react negatively to it. I then asked her how it would be to visit her mother without the belief that she would give her grief about her weight.

She said she would be more open. She’d feel lighter. She would be present and not preoccupied with her mother’s reaction to her weight. I saw her breathe a sigh of relief as she understood that how she showed up had nothing to do with her mother’s behavior.

We both recognized that no matter how she entered, her mom very well may be critical of her weight. But rather than living that moment again and again before the visit, she recognized that she only had to live it once at the time it happens, if it happens.

So, she opened herself. She dropped her defensiveness. She dropped the story about how her mom was going to react. She dropped her judgment about her weight gain. She arrived at her mother’s house for Thanksgiving with presence and love. Her mom opened the door and beamed. She embraced her daughter and told her how good she looked and how happy she was to see her.

My client was able to bring herself into the present moment and find peace. She was able to find her way forward from that place of presence. And while it may have been difficult if her mom had been critical instead of loving, which was a very real possibility, she would have had more access to her own resourcefulness and emotional reserves. She would’ve been more able to respond from a place of groundedness, love, and wisdom. It wouldn’t have shaken her to her core.

Listen, the holidays can be tough. You could be gentle with yourself. You could give yourself a break and have compassion for yourself. You could have compassion for those around you who may be struggling, too. It can be a tricky time.

As much as possible, keep bringing yourself back to this moment. Recognize when you are living in a memory of a difficult past. Recognize when you are stressing about something that is not yet happening and may not happen.

When you can catch yourself living in the past or the future, you are able to bring yourself back to this moment where you have access to your essential nature: love, wisdom, peace, wellbeing, resilience, and more. All this will support you no matter what you face.

My family and I send you warmest season’s greetings. May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be you be healthy. May you live life with ease.

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