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Transcend and Embrace

January 27, 2011

I found an old charm bracelet at Daddy’s house while visiting.  I recognized it but couldn’t remember who’s it was.  I asked Daddy about it and we decided it must have been my grandmother’s.  It’s a simple bracelet with three charms:  two female silhouettes—one engraved with my sister’s name and birth date and one with [...]

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Trembling of a Leaf

December 9, 2010

“Never say there is nothing beautiful in the world anymore. There is always something to make you wonder in the shape of a tree, the trembling of a leaf.” Albert Schweitzer All the leaves have fallen now–mostly.  Temperatures plummet.  Winter arrives with no announcement.  December.  The ending of a decade. My emotions have had a [...]

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White Knuckle Grip

December 7, 2010

I’m thinking of my Dad this morning.  He turns 85 on Friday.   He’s been talking about this birthday ever since he was 80.  For reasons I don’t understand, his 85th birthday is particularly important to him.  It will be especially sweet to celebrate with him after all he’s been through with the cancer.  I don’t [...]

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Grief Expressed

November 19, 2010

I am sitting on Daddy’s sofa watching the sunrise in the small field behind his house.  The tall grasses glisten in the golden sun.  I hear faint rumblings of traffic and a train beyond the field.  I can hear Daddy snoring in his bedroom—now a sneeze, and another.  He’s getting out of bed probably to [...]

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Give Sorrow Words

November 5, 2010

“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart, and bids it break.”  William Shakespeare I went to the chiropractor today.  While waiting for the Doctor, I began to meditate—focusing on my breath and letting go of thoughts.  As I breathed into my heart space, I noticed sensations of sadness.  Then [...]

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This Present Moment

September 3, 2010

Two o’clock in the morning.  Up doing yoga in an attempt to open up my screaming lower back and hips.  What is it about being at Daddy’s that makes sleep so elusive?  Can the new bed really be this uncomfortable?  Is it how hot he keeps the house?  Is it that I am hypervigilant—listening out [...]

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The Fullness of Forgiveness

September 2, 2010

“Do you have pain anywhere, Mr. Royal,” nurse Walter inquired. “I have a headache,” my dad replied. “What is the pain like?” “Feels like a fullness.  Trying to hold too much.” I sat in the next room listening as Walter attached a new needle to Daddy’s port.  I was waiting for him to finish so [...]

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Life Urge

July 28, 2010

Baby wrens were born in the garage.  I watched them and sang to them many days.  Finally, they fledged from their nest but two of them didn’t leave the garage.  For several days, they awkwardly flapped around, too afraid or weak to venture out of their place of safety.  I could hear the mother or [...]

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Shadow Blessings

June 21, 2010

I had a nice visit with daddy and family yesterday.  It was good to be together.  We couldn’t remember the last time we were all gathered on Father’s Day.  It was a lovely treat. I came home tired and a tad sad, so I went outside where the light was warm and beautiful.  I hoped [...]

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The Gift of Sharing Miracles

June 16, 2010

I visited with Daddy yesterday.  He’s struggling with his lung cancer but is very brave in the midst of it.  It is good to be with him. A pair of cliff swallows built a nest on his porch some weeks ago.  We’ve been watching them ever since.  Daddy has been very respectful of them, even [...]

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