Courage

A Beautiful and Terrible Account

February 24, 2011

This morning I am reading Soulfully Gay:  How Harvard, Sex, Drugs, and Integral Philosophy Drove Me Crazy and Brought Me Back to God, by Joe Perez.  It is a raw account and I cry at almost every turn of the page.  I can’t tell you why—only that I do.  The tears…the tears come from deep [...]

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Now is the Time

February 22, 2011

What an emotional morning.  I awoke from a disturbing dream about my father and found that I had overslept.  It was time to get the horses out–now.  I rushed from bed, up to the barn, and put all the horses in the pasture–the dream was constant on my mind.  I returned to the house to [...]

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Golden Shadow

February 21, 2011

How many of us seek that which we already possess?  How many times have I looked outside myself for something that I already have within me?  I look to someone else for courage and strength, or fun and excitement.  I look to another situation for peace or pleasure.  I long for a new job, new [...]

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Take One Step

February 15, 2011

I want to move in some new directions but I’m scared.  Life is prodding me, as it always does.  It starts with a nudge, but if I don’t listen it eventually becomes a prod–this is the creative surge of life.  I begin to see the point and want to move, but before I know it, [...]

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It’s a Lifestyle

February 11, 2011

I often experience fear as worry and distraction—one friend mentioned procrastination.  Worry, distraction, and procrastination are ways I can distance from the deep-seated fear.  As long as I’m caught up with worry and distraction, I don’t have to face the fear directly.  I can side step it.  This can go on for days, months, and [...]

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Silly Mind

February 10, 2011

You know that speech I was rehearsing the other night that was keeping me awake?  Well, I didn’t have to give it, and all resolved as I hoped—easily and quickly.  In fact, it was so easy that I began to question the resolution!  Silly mind. It occurred to me that on some level I want [...]

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White Knuckle Grip

December 7, 2010

I’m thinking of my Dad this morning.  He turns 85 on Friday.   He’s been talking about this birthday ever since he was 80.  For reasons I don’t understand, his 85th birthday is particularly important to him.  It will be especially sweet to celebrate with him after all he’s been through with the cancer.  I don’t [...]

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Grief Expressed

November 19, 2010

I am sitting on Daddy’s sofa watching the sunrise in the small field behind his house.  The tall grasses glisten in the golden sun.  I hear faint rumblings of traffic and a train beyond the field.  I can hear Daddy snoring in his bedroom—now a sneeze, and another.  He’s getting out of bed probably to [...]

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An Expanding Heart

November 8, 2010

“Courage, in the final analysis, is nothing but an affirmative answer to the shocks of existence.”  Kurt Goldstein I awoke thinking of family.  We have some significant medical issues going on—life and death issues–even a medical crisis right now.  I know many other families who are in similar situations.  It can be frightening.  It is [...]

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Fathom the Richness

November 1, 2010

Like the swamp I discovered last week, life is murky.  It can be difficult to know how to negotiate the mire. It takes intention, openness, and willingness to see the good, the true, and the beautiful in the dark, mucky places, but they are there—they are always there.  I often have to sit for an [...]

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