I am moved to tears as I read Ram Dass’ words, in Paths to God, about his devotion to his guru. There is something compelling and yet frightening about that kind of deep love and surrender.
I had a similar kind of devotional love for my youth pastor and his wife when I was 12, but when they left for the mission field I was lost. I surrendered to evangelical Christianity for over 25 years but then found the system of thought extremely limited and shallow. Years after that, I surrendered to the “doomer” mentality only to find their view as limited and rigid as evangelical Christianity. The problem wasn’t any of them, of course. The problem was that I wanted to cling to these people and systems beyond their capacity to expand with me.
Interestingly, in the last couple of days, I have considered changing my meditation mantra back to one I did many years ago: “Jesus, mercy.” Christianity is my cultural heritage and what buoyed me through many a rough year. I left the church and Christianity because I simply outgrew it. Just as I have no desire to return to grade school, I have no desire to return to the faith of my youth. However, I wonder what an integral Christianity looks like.
As I have been reading the integral thinkers, such as Ken Wilber, Terry Patten, Joe Perez, Brian Swimme, and others, I have been introduced to an integral spirituality that is quite compelling: “An integral spirituality will recognize the universal transcendent core of the world’s spiritual traditions while simultaneously embracing the multiplicity of religious practices and beliefs. It will provide an integrating framework, grounded in spiritual experience, which unites the disparate theological systems by representing each as a unique but partial view of the same infinite divine reality.”
I am deeply drawn to integral theory and through it I may find my way back–or rather forward–to an integral, expanding, and evolving Christianity. Perhaps a return to my old mantra, with fresh meaning, is fitting after all–finding my way forward.
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