“Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You’re able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.” Ralph Marston
I had a conversation with a friend today that disturbed me. I found myself tensing up as we talked. I felt some anxiety in my belly and breath. I had to intentionally breathe through the anxiety so as not to react in an unkind way.
I am blessed to have people in my life from all sorts of backgrounds and beliefs: conservatives, liberals, straight, gay, Christian, Hindu, Wiccan, Anarchist, Atheist, rich, poor, and so forth. I’m blessed because such diversity enriches and deepens my life.
I’ve been in some of those camps at one time or another. I’ve even been quite staunch at times. I was a staunch Christian, a staunch conservative, a staunch liberal, and even a staunch doomer (not all at the same time!). There is not much staunch about me these days—except maybe my commitment to becoming kind.
So, my friend had just been listening to a talk show host and she was on a rant about “those Muslims”. This friend is someone whom I respect and appreciate. She has a huge and generous heart. She is kind and enjoys helping those in need. As I listened to her rant, I could hear something in her voice that disturbed me. I found myself wondering what I heard, but at the very least, I heard an “us versus them” attitude.
I have heard this disturbing attitude many times among many people. I have heard it in my own voice—that judgmental, superior, rigid, arrogant voice. You know what I mean.
How many times have you seen a conservative friend go up against a liberal friend, or vice versa, on Facebook or in other casual conversation? How many times have you heard it on the television or radio. And it ain’t pretty. Many of these are good folk, but when minds close around an issue then it becomes impossible to hear one another or even, it seems, to be kind.
I wonder how this can be. I think back to the tightness in my stomach when my friend was talking. I realize that the tightness was fear. In that place of fear, I wanted to react—lash out even. I realized that the fear was about people separating themselves from each other based on culture, religion, sexuality, or anything else. I wanted desperately for my friend to see that we are all one. I wanted her to see this because I’m afraid of what the separateness is doing to us humans and the world at large. However, from a place of fear I start to contract and shut down, which prevents real dialogue, openness, and love.
Then I realized that this is why my friend is reacting and why others react. Fear. Fear that the “Muslim” will kill everyone. Fear that the “religious right” will take away all our freedoms. Fear that the “liberals” will ruin the country. Fear that the “homosexuals” will destroy the institution of marriage. The list is surprisingly long.
Fear is a physiological response to danger. It is a bodily function meant to alert, not meant to become a state of mind. When it becomes a state of mind then all hell breaks loose.
Fear as a state of mind abounds in this culture.
Fear oppresses.
Fear restricts our freedom.
Fear separates.
How do we step out of the state of fear, letting go or our attachment to being right? How do we hear one another, despite our differences? How do we treat one another with respect, compassion, and kindness no matter our religion, culture, sexuality, financial standing, etc? How do we understand that we are human beings first and we are one? These differences are not our essence.
The state of fear is one of the biggest, most dangerous, challenges we face today.
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