“Watch yourself. Every minute we change. It is a great opportunity. At any point, we can step out of our frozen selves and our ideas and begin fresh.” Natalie Goldberg
It’s my day off and I’m at the lake. I want to relax but things distract me and bring me down. I’d like to lighten up. I don’t want to talk about this problem or that. I want to be as light as the goose feathers at my feet. I want to float along with the feather sailing on the water at the whim of the wind. I want to fly as lightly as the damselfly silently gliding over the sparkling water. I want to soar with the vultures as they climb, climb, climb the thermals without a flap of the wing. I want to drift as softly and slowly as the billowing clouds. But, I’m frustrated. I’m angry that I feel like lead.
Now I watch myself. I notice how quickly I go from singing to being frustrated and heavy. Am I this susceptible to the changing winds? Do these winds actually have the power to bring me down so easily? I am curious.
How, in this moment, do I step out of my frozen self and begin fresh?
I will try an experiment.
So I put down my journal and went into the lake to watch the floating feather. I noticed sunscreen drifting away because I had forgotten to take it out of the back pocket of my swim shorts. I swam after it and laughed at myself. I found lip balm floating, too, and caught it. I was still a little irritable but noticed that it was more of an act than a reality. Part of me wanted to hold onto my tetchiness. In that acknowledgement, I was able to release it and relax. I let the water wash away the last remnants. I felt the support of the water surround my heavy body. I repeated my mantra, “All shall be well. All shall be well.” I let the words break through my frozen self until I felt the truth of them. I allowed in the kindness and support of my partner. We floated together while the Osprey and King Fisher hunted in the little cove.
The experiment worked, and Natalie Goldberg’s words are true, we can step out of our frozen selves and our ideas and begin fresh in any given moment.
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