The Other Silence

by Carla Royal on July 14, 2010

screen saver 1 The Other Silence “Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us.  Not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal.  The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are.  We are all hungry for this other silence.”  (From My Grandfather’s Blessings, by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.)

I would like to be a place of refuge for people.  I would like to extend that place of connected silence to all.  In the silence, time can expand.  That’s the kind of silence I shared with daddy the other night.  It was healing and full of the divine.

I know the silence of withdrawal well.  I awake this morning already in that mode because I didn’t sleep well and I’m irritable.  It’s difficult for me to push past the tendency.  It will take some soul searching, centering, and intention to overcome it.  My morning rituals help.  Meditation is a technique that makes it easier for me to come in contact with the pure silence within and extend it out into the world.

Filling moments with words or jokes is another mode I can go into when I feel uncomfortable or out of control.  I guess it makes me feel like I’m doing something, maybe giving me the illusion of being in control.  Learning to bring my awareness to these moments is vital if I want to extend the silence of refuge and rest.

Some of the most precious moments I have had with others, including the natural world, are those times of deep and full silence.  The more often I can contact that place within, the more often I am able to extend it to others.  It’s worth the intentional practice it takes to cultivate this other silence.

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  • BlueFrog

    I would love to be on that dock with Pedro! Animals accept people as they are and they don’t criticize. I grew up in the country as an only child and still value my quiet time with nature or just quiet time period.

  • Vivienne Whale Grace

    I appreciated your acknowledgment of the difference between healthy wholesome nourishing silence and the “silence of withdrawal”. I just finished reading an interesting book “Women Food and God”. I wondered though why I was reading it. I’ve realized since my early twenties when I was briefly overweight that being overweight is not about the food it’s a buffer from feeling our true feelings. All through the book I wondered why am I reading this I know this then I got to the part where she speaks about food being the buffer and the penny dropped I have my own version of the food buffer and a part of it is using the “silence of withdrawal”. At the end of the book she gives an exercise she calls “Beginning Inquiry”. I see it as a practice for coming home to being in your body whether it’s a coming home from food as a buffer or numbing out or whatever creative method anyone might choose. We are so very creative! Her website is http://www.geneenroth.com. If it’s not on her website I’m planning on typing it out so I can do some work with it with me and others.

  • Linda Corbin

    Oh I love silence! People don’t understand how I can be home all day and not have the radio/tv/cd/ or some other noise going on. I am happy sitting in my chair by the window and watching the river (Yellowstone) and the wild life and/or reading a book. I don’t always read to “enrich my mind”, I’m happy w/ a good thriller, cops & robbers, medical mystery stuff…. and my journal which is a daily thing for me.

    Tomorrow I go to see the surgeon about some new hips. The pain is so intense I spent an absolutely glorious day in bed for about 3 hrs. this afternoon. It’s all I can do and I have to accept it now. But I had my little kitten “Rainey” who I rescued from drowning about 5-6 wks. ago in my driveway. He was a “toss away” and my dogs told me he was out there in the rain puddle, so tiny w/ no teeth yet but w/ very healthy lungs scrreaming for help! It’s been quite the trip nursing him and weaning him to food. Now he plays and bites like a shark! My lab is his “mom” and my little dog is very jealous, she needs assurance she’s loved . The 2 cats have accepted him finally. I’ve been fighting not being able “to do” and my body is telling me to STOP IT ALREADY!! Yesterday I watered the flowers and loved it, then paid for it but it was worth it. I’m learning just what I’m willing to do, pain or not, to keep myself somewhat happy & sane until this surgery is over and I’m on my feet again. Pulling weeds is my meditation, I can do it all day and love it. I’m allergic to all pain meds and I’m in a special program to get a med not used usually by patients w/ my kind of pain – all very controlled and such. It’s beginning to not work very well so the Universe’s timing is perfect w/ dr. visit and all. I have waited for over 2 yrs. for help and I am blessed I finally got it.

    I feel often I don’t have friends and help available and I’m finding that’s not true. Neighbors have rallied help w/ store runs and library book returns, people I hardly see!! I still don’t have many friends but the ones I do have are solid, all 4 of them!

    I like hearing from you and enjoy your photos. I do photography also but it’s a bit shaky right now. Mostly outdoor life and my animals. Got to go, hips are stiffing up, have a blessed evening.

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