Have you ever experienced the extraordinary in the ordinary? I have, many times. I had such a moment with my father yesterday. After our return from oncology and lunch, daddy asked if I would be willing to cut his toenails and fingernails. I said of course. He decided we should sit on the porch so nail clippings wouldn’t fall in his freshly cleaned house. We walked out to the porch into the 100-degree heat. Daddy, exclaimed, “Ah, this feels good.” He is often chilly these days and it is difficult to keep warm enough. He wore corduroys and flannel to oncology for that very reason.
At daddy’s request, I swept off two of the chairs and we sat. I took one of his feet into my lap and inspected his toes. The nails were surprisingly long. At first, I was tentative. I couldn’t remember ever clipping another person’s nails. Is it possible that at almost a half-century-old I have never clipped someone’s nails? I made the first clip and daddy jumped a little…I jumped more. He said that I hadn’t hurt him and that he would yell if I did. Small comfort that was!
As I continued to clip, I relaxed into the process and began to enjoy the work. Cutting someone’s nails is a surprisingly intimate and tender exchange. Giving and receiving. Trust and love. Vulnerability and openness. It was an ordinary moment turned extraordinary as I brought my presence and love to it. It was a moment of sweet connection.
Through the simple act of cutting daddy’s nails, I am reminded that awareness and presence can transform an ordinary moment and transform me.
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
sweet…and i am reminded that each moment is every moment…
Thank you again, Carla. I relive every extraordinary ordinary care-taking moment I experienced with my Mom and Dad as you describe so beautifully the gift of intimacy and devotion you experience with your Daddy. My tears well, my heart expands, and the remnants of grieving move out as my appreciation for those moments takes up more space within. You expression is truly emotive. So happy you are sharing it.
Carla, I experienced something very similar about 10 years ago while cutting my grandfather’s nails when he was very ill and close to the end of his life. He was deeply grateful and I was grateful that I could offer him the nail-cutting. I’ll never forget it. I’m glad that you and your daddy, me and my Gigi (his name was Luigi, but everyone called him Gigi), and all the other families cutting the nails of elders are sharing this kind of experience.