While floating in the lake watching the feather drift, I saw Pedro suddenly jump up from where he had been sleeping. Something startled him and he began barking. I peered in more closely to see what could have given him the heebeegeebees, and I saw that my journal was flapping in the wind on top of a chair. Pedro was now circling the journal barking, leaping back, barking, circling. I had a good laugh watching him.
I’m the one circling the journal this morning. My journal and blog serve as a place of expression, examination, and even accountability. It has become an extension of my meditation. Dainin Katagiri Roshi said, “If you go deep enough in writing, it will take you everyplace.”
I feel the truth in those words. I think that’s why I circle my journal. Sometimes, I’m afraid of going so deeply. This morning, I feel fidgety and restless, ready to get onto my next morning practice. I’m not sure hurrying through one practice in order to get to another can really be considered practice! On the other hand, perhaps it is. Perhaps having the discipline to continue to write, when I’d rather not, is the practice, like an itch that swells while sitting in meditation. The instruction is to simply watch the urge with no attempt to fix or change it, until it passes. In this way, I slowly learn to release my attachment to this feeling or that sensation, no longer identifying with them so strongly.
Journaling is one way I attempt to let things surface, witness them, and move on. Rather than festering beneath the surface, I bring my attention to them. At that point, I can deal with them consciously and with intention.
Like Pedro, I circle the journal until I see that there is no threat. In fact, the journal is a wonderful conduit for going more deeply. I can trust the process.
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