Light that Obscures or Illumines?

by Carla Royal on June 15, 2010

IMG 8917 Light that Obscures or Illumines?“There are two kinds of light – the glow that illumines, and the glare that obscures.”  James Thurber

I am very irritable this morning.  Maybe it’s because I’m starting the 90-day challenge tomorrow.  Maybe it’s because I’ve made a commitment that frightens me.  Maybe it’s my saboteur.

This morning, I am the glare that obscures.  I can’t seem to shake myself from it.  Reading, writing, and meditating did nothing to soften me.  I sit here at the computer pounding away–all glare.  There is so much glare that my head pounds in rhythm.

I look at the illumined water lily with longing.  I want to be that kind of light.  I have that kind of light in me.  I can often access it, but not this morning.

How do I let it be…just let it be?  I’m glaring all over everyone and everything.  Pema Chodron might tell me to simply sit with it, watching it with curiosity and gentleness.

I will take a breath now…and another.  I did not think to watch the glare with curiosity and gentleness while meditating this morning.

Gently, I will breathe.  Curiously, I will watch.  In time, the glare will soften.

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Tagged as: curiosity, gentleness, longing, Meditation, pema chodron

  • http://scintillatingspeck.wordpress.com Jen

    I’ve been thinking a lot about Pema Chodron’s advice to make friends with one’s demons. It never fails to amaze me when you articulate something I’ve already been thinking about in the past day or so. May you become friends with the glare. Me too.

  • Carla

    Thanks, Jen. It is already softening. Just writing it out helped. I am sending you so much love and soft, illumined light. Looking forward to our journey together beginning tomorrow!

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  • http://www.tonyakeittkalule.com Tonya Keitt Kalule

    Hi there Carla
    what you have been writing the past couple of days sounds very familiar to me. I remember that we are about the same age or exactly the same age, and I don’t know if this is appropriate or not,but here goes. It sounds like hormones are effecting you right now. I would not recognize it if I had been going through it myself. I recently had a total hysterectomy so that threw me into full blown surgical menopause. Now I am taking the vivelle patch which is a miracle worker. You can read about some of this on my blog as well. However, I was experiencing some of what you are describing even before that. It was driving me crazy because I have never been a moody person. After my surgery, my girlfriend came to care for me from Chicago, and when she returned she ended up on the vivelle patch as well, and she has not had any surgery. Menopause is no joke, and I understand why there has been many women to literally lose their minds during this change, because they were thinking like I was at first, that I was just having a bad day or two and it would past.
    Good luck, I know how you feel.

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