More Letting Go

Last week I wrote about letting go of expectations.  As I prepared to move back to Georgia, I attempted to think through my expectations and intentionally let go of them.  My sister even expressed her concern about some expectations I might have about moving so close to my childhood home.  I assured her that I was aware and that I was not setting myself up.

Yesterday, however, I came up against an expectation I did not realize I had.  It hit me between the eyes.

When I arrived in Georgia Sunday night, I called my father to let him know that we were safe.  He told me he wasn’t feeling well and that he was going to the cardiologist the next day.  I decided to drive to Augusta to be with him for the appointment.  We spent the afternoon at the doctor’s office and the doctor is concerned.  All of this led to a feeling of deep sadness and a bit of panic.  You see, I had set up the expectation that my dad would be around for quite awhile longer and we would finally get to really enjoy one another, spending lots of time together.  It didn’t occur to me that his time might actually be very short.  I decided I would be extremely angry if he died before we got the chance to be together for a while.

As I drove back from Augusta to my new place, I began thinking about the sadness, panic, and potential anger and about the expectation that was setting that up.  In so doing, I began to release the expectation, expressing deep gratitude for my time with him yesterday and for the sweet times we’ve shared in the past year.  I realized how incredibly fortunate I am that Daddy and I have found a way to connect so sweetly and unexpectedly.  I realized that we both feel it and cherish it.  It is enough.  As I drove, I was able to sink deeply into that awareness and appreciation, letting go of the expectation.  I found a freedom and peace there.

I certainly hope Daddy gets to the other side of what ever is going on now, and I have a lot of confidence that he will.  I will pray that he gets better and that we will have oodles of time to be together in coming months and years.  That is what I desire, but I am going to attempt to let go of the expectation in order to be able to fully enjoy each moment we have together, for however long that may be.

Related Posts:

• Practicing Gratitude
• Give Sorrow Words
• Shadow Blessings

Tagged as: dad, expectation, Gratitude, intention, letting go, peace