I am Not Alone

by Carla Royal on May 20, 2010

IMG 8607 I am Not Alone

I received news day before yesterday that Daddy is dying of lung cancer.   While news like this is difficult for me, it’s important to remember that the world does not revolve around me.  In fact, I just read a statistic that, according to the Lung Cancer Alliance, an estimated 437 people die of lung cancer everyday.

Everyday.

From lung cancer alone.

I am not the only one in pain here about a dying daddy.

I am not alone in my grief.  Many friends have made it abundantly clear that I am not alone.  In fact, some of them have just lost parents themselves, or have ill parents.  They understand.

I am not alone.

Neither are you.

Pema Chodron, a Tibetan Buddhist, teaches a practice called Tonglen.  It is a practice I have used for a few years and one that will serve me well during this time.  Bascially, I breathe in the pain or grief that I am experiencing in order to feel it fully with acceptance.  Then, I breathe out compassion and love, for myself, daddy, my family, etc.  I continue to do this all the while expanding the circle to include others who are grieving and suffering.  I start with my little circle but gradually expand that circle to include all who may be feeling the pain that I am feeling.

This is a wonderful practice to help cultivate presence, acceptance, compassion, gratitude, and connection.

Thank you, dear friends, for your loving kindness and support.  Namaste.

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  • Joan Bright

    Love and prayers to you and your father.
    No, you are not alone.
    Thank you for so bravely sharing yours and your father’s journeys, and ways of helping yourself. Your father may die, but he is alive now, every single moment of Now, and you are back home and with him to share so many of those remaining moments. In spite of doctor’s predictions, but not because of them, we are all going to die one day. My parents’ deaths brought that home more clearly than ever to me, but not what I needed to do, which was to create a life lived moment by moment, more alive than ever. You describe so many ways to achieve that, in your posts; in your choice of working outdoors on the land and with animals; in your choices of how to deal with things that come up in life.
    Thank you for sharing your pain and your inspiration with us all.

  • Cara Good

    Thank you, Carla, for reminding me about the practice of Tonglen. It has been especially helpful in the workplace when dealing with difficult people who carry their pain and frustration and offer it as a crisis to others. You most certainly are among others who daily breathe in and out human suffering, acceptance, and compassion. Sending you much love. Your words are gifts, and clearly the Fellowship of Laurel Creek is unfolding. Does your dad read your blog? He must know how much love surrounds him.

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