I found out yesterday afternoon that my Dad has terminal lung cancer. The news kind of sucks the wind out of me. I feel like I just found my dad…now I’m going to lose him. I never thought I’d have a close relationship with him, but in the last year all that has changed. We have developed a sweet heart connection in one short year, a connection I now treasure and enjoy. I’m not ready to give that up after waiting almost 50 years to have it. Nevertheless, in the midst of it all, in the midst of the deep sadness, I feel incredible gratitude. I feel so deeply and utterly loved and supported by the Divine.
After I heard the news about my dad I sat outside for a while. A Vulture soared in close, as close as one has ever come. It soared around me three times. I felt as if the Divine was showing me how closely connected and loved I am. I feel the love and support to my very core. Gratitude wells in me and overflows.
It is quite an interesting feeling, this raw sadness coupled with such deep gratitude and love. I think of Julian of Norwich, one of the great English mystics, and her famous words: “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” This has been one of my favorite quotes for many years. I loved it long before I understood it. I believed it long before I felt it. Today I feel it in my bones, as I have for some time now.
Daddy and I will make the most of whatever precious time we have left. That is such a gift, a gift I will always treasure.
I am so very blessed.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
So sorry for your news and so happy you acted on your urge to be physically located closer to him in these most precious days ahead. The presence you have cultivated will be the gift you give to both of you.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
your thoughts brought tears…how fortunate to have the connection and the time…how wonderful to be in the space of deep grief and deep gratitude…may the Vulture continue to soar…
There have been so many times/days that you have entered my mind, I wish you peace and love throughout your journey. I am happy for you Carlie, that you have made the journey back to your dad. We never know how long we have, we need to live everyday to the fullest and thank our higher power, spirits…etc.
Love to you my dear, dear friend.
sending you love and light Carla as the gifts and challenges unfold before you
thank full that you are able to be there in person and that your path has been prepared before you so you didn’t have to deal with decisions to leave and the leavetaking whilst receiving the news. All indeed Shall Be Well.
Vulture- such a perfect messenger reminding us of our interconnectedness with all things of the air and the earth and the cycles that inhabit both planes. Vulture is most present – providing gifts you know and feel… abundant love and support. All shall be well and all is well. You and your dad are experiencing miracles, even as it may seem a contradiction at times. Love you both.
I’m thinking of you with love. Tears.
Photograph all of those precious moments.
Thank you, friends. I am deeply touched by your tender support and love. I really do feel it and I’m overwhelmed by the outpouring. I send love back to each of you.
{ 3 trackbacks }