Yesterday, I spoke about expansiveness being our natural state. Today I share another experience where I felt just the opposite.
I got together with a friend for the first time since we had a sort of fight. She was mad with me for declining to do a favor for her. We had spoken on the phone since then and she had apologized to me, but we hadn’t seen one another. The next time we got together I still felt some residual from the experience, so upon our greeting I felt contracted and on guard. I was expecting the worst (story-lines again!). I had all my defenses up and did not feel open or expansive in any way. When we saw each other it was a little chilly and I didn’t want to be warm. I wanted to nurse my wounds. I wanted to stay contracted and retreat. My partner said, “Well, do your Carla thing and warm her up. Assume all is well with you two.” I said, “I don’t want to—I’m tired.” *pout* Truth is, it was I who needed to warm up!
I sat in my contracted place for awhile, sulking. Finally, with much resistance, I decided to give it a go. Once I opened myself to her, it wasn’t long before we were just fine; and all was well.
When I relate to the world from a contracted place my experience is limited and rigid, but oh so familiar. It’s easy to stay in that place of familiarity. It also feels a bit uncomfortable and…well, just wrong. But it’s difficult to push past the familiar inertia to a place of expansiveness. It takes sincere intention and effort. Every time I do make the effort, I find it worthwhile even if the other does not respond as I would hope. Something shifts in me when I make the effort, and it’s easier the next time–easier to align with immensity.
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