The pups and I were walking in the woods the other day, as we often do. It was cold and windy here in northeast PA. It seemed more winter than spring, so when something rustled in the leaves, I was startled to see a snake! I jumped back and did my frightened little snake dance before calming down. I only had my point and shoot camera with me, so to capture this photo I had to get really, really close. I could not have done that even a couple of years ago because of my fear of snakes.
And a couple of years ago I would not have considered moving back to be near family–in middle Georgia, of all places. But tomorrow, I leave for Georgia with all my belongings and my little family. That’s how much has changed for me, and in me, in such a short time, or at least it seems like a short time.
I guess it really hasn’t been such a short time. Things have been shifting in me significantly for a decade or more–’round about 14 years now, I reckon (I’m practicing my southernese.). My relationship with my dad has shifted significantly, for example. I didn’t expect that, and I am so very delighted. I think we just finally accepted each other, letting go of our expectations—simply letting each other be.
It’s amazing to me how much our expectations of life, people, relationships, or whatever, can interfere in our lives. I expected that all snakes were still hibernating, so I was startled when I saw one. I expected that my dad and I would never be close, so I didn’t allow for that for many years. I expected my life to go a certain way, so I suffered much as I resisted the twists and turns it has actually taken.
As I’ve let go of the expectations, I find myself pleasantly surprised more often than not. It’s the resistance to change, the clinging to expectations, that often causes so much heartache. I’m learning this and letting go. As I do, life is gifting me in ways that I could not have imagined.
See you soon, Daddy!
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