I took Buttercup, Pedro, and Heidi (my goddog) on a walk in the woods the other day. We were having a wonderful time exploring. Everyone was happy and excited. Suddenly some vultures were soaring right above me and I wanted to photograph them. All of my attention turned to them. I last noticed that Buttercup and Pedro were about 75 feet up the path and Heidi was near me. Not wanting to disturb the vultures, I slowly and quietly began moving off the path and up the hill to get a better shot of them. Heidi got under a log, out of sight, and began to dig. Buttercup noticed that I was walking deeper into the woods, came half way, sat down, and waited quietly. Pedro was still investigating something up the trail. I became immersed with the vultures. Time passed.
Finally the vultures soared out of sight, so I turned and headed down the hill. As I did, I scanned the area for the dogs. I saw Heidi still beneath the log digging. Buttercup was sitting right where I had left her. Pedro was nowhere to be found. This had never happened before. The dogs are great about staying within sight–always. I called and called, whistled and whistled. I asked Buttercup and Heidi to find him. No Pedro. We walked around a bit but to no avail. Finally, I decided to head home in hopes that he would make his way there. I called for him all the way back, but nothing.
As we approached the house I saw a tiny head against the back door. Pedro! When he saw us approaching the house he started to come but hesitated. I called out to him and he raced up the path. He seemed confused but glad to see us.
I don’t actually know why he came back home but I have a theory. I think he had gotten so engrossed in what he was doing in the woods that he didn’t notice that I had stepped off the trail and moved up the hill. He didn’t see Heidi beneath the log. He didn’t realize Buttercup was sitting off trail waiting for me. We were all so quiet and he had been so distracted that when he looked up and saw none of us on the trail, he panicked and raced back to the house.
He seemed genuinely distraught when he came in the house. In fact, he wasn’t fully himself until the next day. Poor little fellow! I apologized to him profusely and promised I would never leave him.
The little fellow had spun a story, a story that wasn’t true, and it impacted him deeply. This reminds me of all the times that I have spun a story: this person doesn’t like me, that person is mad at me, I did that all wrong, she is insane, they are wrong, he doesn’t care for me, all republicans are hate-mongers, all democrats are liars, etc. Once I spin a story line, I become contracted and I act out of that story instead of acting out of consciousness, deep awareness, and love. This causes all kinds of difficulty for others and me.
I have a responsibility to stop the story lines when I create them. I have a responsibility to open myself beyond myself, to a place of expansiveness and love. This kind of expansiveness is hard work but very possible with intention and awareness. It’s work that I must do, and that is worth doing, if I want to be a fully functioning and kind person. Thanks, Pedro, for being a mirror for me!
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