This is a juvenile seagull. See his red mouth (click on photo to enlarge)? He is standing in a classic “feed me!” pose. He looks a little helpless and lost to me…and adorable. I love to watch the baby/juvenile birds. Their antics humor me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about growing up lately. I’ve been thinking about how many adults I see who never grow up. I’ve been wondering what it really means to to grow up. What does a mature, grown up adult look/act like?
I feel a little out of sorts this morning–some underlying frustration, disappointment, etc. My tendency during such times is to shut down and be a tad snippy. I’m really good at it! It might look a little like an angry, withdrawn teenager. Leave me alone and stay out of my way! That might be OK if I were 15, but I’m 49! So I have a choice today: stay in sullen teenager mode or step into mature adult mode. One is familiar and habitual. The other is a bit awkward and not as ego satisfying. In the long run I know that being a mature adult will serve me and the world better. It is the choice of integrity.
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Carla, I had to make that choice this morning as well. Not always easy or fun, but I’m proud of you and proud of me for making the choice. I am asking God for the strength to leave this burden with him and quit carrying it around like an uncomfortable backpack that chafes with every step.
Acting like a grown up is difficult. It means that you are on your own with no one to force you/help you to do what you know you should. At our age, we need to choose to act like grown-ups, but we don’t have to like it!
In my MotherWoman support group this morning, we were talking about having to be the grown-up no matter how much we feel like being the age our children are (sullen like a 16 year old, saying “you’re a poopyhead” like a 4 year old, etc.)… It’s so hard. So many days I want to withdraw and be cranky, and Lily looks at me and I think, “I have to be an adult today. Lily needs me to be an adult.” It fascinates me to see how much I need to be an adult for Lily, and how much I benefit from Lily’s child-ness.
I had a recognitiom of the same type about 3 weeks ago. Ny partner asked me to stop playing with the dog and I didn’t want to. In fact, I was furious and started cussing under my breath and stayed very distant from her the rest of the night & next day. Stayed up until 3 that night. A few days later, I remembered an incident that happened when I was 14 when my mother and my uncle wouldn’t do something that I wanted, frankly needed. I started cussing under my breath and then retreated from the whole family the rest of the weekend.
It is clear that incident formed my anger patterns for me and stopped my anger from changing as I grew, even though the rest of me grew. My therpist and I had been, are working on my early teenage years. It’s been slow going, so this was a huge break through for us.
Next job??? CHAnGE THE BEHAVIOR!!!