“Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind.” Henry James
I don’t have many regrets in my life, although if you were to look closely you might think I have reason to feel regret. My life has tumbled, violently at times, through many changes. I have made poor decisions and big messes. There have been times when I have been told that I was crazy (once by a psychiatrist, but it was in his interest that I be crazy since he got kick-backs from the pharmaceutical companies). Truth is, I looked and acted crazy some of those years because the changes happening in me where so violent and rapid that I simply couldn’t integrate them that quickly. But despite it all, I have very few regrets.
I do have one regret, though; I regret the times I have been unkind. I have been unkind more often than I care to admit, and every now and then, I get deep pangs of grief when I think of those times. I wrote this to a friend, recently, who’s partner had been on the receiving end of my unkindness some years ago. She wrote back and told me that all of it is in the past and no grief allowed. I am deeply grateful that they have forgiven me my unkindness. I am also grateful that I can feel the grief.
The other morning during meditation I had waves of grief about the times I’ve been unkind to others. The grief felt cleansing, like it was clearing out some old residue. I welcomed it, and in its midst I felt incredibly alive. By allowing myself to feel the grief, I ingrain the importance of kindness more deeply into my being. More and more, I find that kindness is a way of life I want to embrace–that I am embracing. I can’t imagine ever regretting being kind.
“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” Dalia Lama
